Adoption (Part 2)

So this is the part of the adoption where there is paperwork. It's long and tedious and they like to know everything about you, your family, your dogs, their family history, and how you wipe your butt. It's not quite that bad really... but it's close. There are a ton of questions, and finance stuff to go over and medical stuff to figure out. It's hours and hours of answering questions. Come to think of it if anyone was asked the same thing before they decided to have a family or at least wild kinky things with no strings attached the type of questions and length alone of the paperwork would pretty much kill the mood all by itself. Putting everything on paper you feel pretty much like you probably won't get approved after it's all over. Between not having anything in savings (because of the adoption) or because of your wacky family history it makes me wonder which straw is going to break the camel's back. You need to have a safe place for a child and I agree with that, but in ways it's not fair that fertile Myrtle that has 14 kids and is in no way, shape, or form able to take care of them, can just live off of welfare and be free to add to the neglected kids that call her mother. She would never be asked a question about anything or pay a dime, but us poor saps that can't have our own  have to save for years (or worse get a loan) and put everything we have into finally having one. We need smoke detectors and other such safety features, but Myrtle wouldn't even need a roof over their heads that could burn down in the first place.

Life's not fair and that's just the way things go. We'll just plow through the paperwork and hope that we can get it all finished in time.

Adoption (Part 1)

So first a little background. My wife and I have been trying to have a family for seven years now, and nothing has seemed to work out in that regard. We've been to all kinds of doctors and specialists and been poked and prodded and given different stories as to possible reasons as to why this, that, or the other. Hopes have run high and then been dashed later. We finally got to a point where we just don't want to do it anymore. We looked at adoption but it's so stupid expensive that even if you are able to adopt it seemed like you would have to trade in your house for a cardboard box for the child and then your social worker would likely take the child away because the living circumstances just didn't cut it. We'd seen all kinds of folks run a gofundme campaign so we though why not? Anything will help. We passed it around and it was shared around, but ultimately we ended up with a fraction of a percent of the daunting price tag that an agency demands in order to even consider working with you (and we are talking the price of a spiffy new Subaru with all the options, and that's just the agency fees!)

You can always get loans and get yourself a ball and chain of that nature for the next however many years (also not very beneficial to the amount of dough you'll need just for the basics to keep the child alive). It was becoming quite obvious that adoption is a booming business and though the selling of children is strictly illegal, there didn't appear to be an affordable way to work on getting your family started (though there is no problem with the government paying for the living expenses of a lazy single drug addicted mother and her 14 children, all with different fathers). That being said I'm not trying to be judgmental towards those that need a little help in life. I'm just trying to point out that adoption seems to come with a ridiculous price tag and it appears (to me at least) that the only way to adopt is to heap up ridiculous amounts of debt to do so.

Those that are able to conceive naturally have insurance to help with hospital bills (which by the way are still less than the fees associated with adoption agencies for the most part). There is no such things as insurance for adoptions (though there might be a multi million dollar idea in that!). Most insurance won't even cover fertility treatments, since that is considered optional.

Anyway I digress from story to griping. Long story (or gripe) short nothing was looking plausible. With enough savings we might be able to adopt by the time we retired, but we likely wouldn't live long enough to see graduation from high school (and that is problematic on so many levels).

Now onto the good stuff. My father-in-law had been working incognito for the past several months. He had found a family connection down the line of a child in need of adoption. He just so happened to have a daughter (and son-in-law) looking to adopt. Finding a child is half the battle and cuts the wildly expensive agency out of the equation. With the search over all that's needed is the paperwork to be done by attorneys (still thousands of dollars, but a lot better than the tens of thousands of dollars otherwise required). My father-in-law had done a lot of checking and confirming before telling us anything about it. Once he was sure that it was a real possibility for us, he let us in on the secret.

We were beyond thrilled. Everything seemed to fit into place. It looked good that everyone involved was in agreement. We called and talked to the birth mother that day. It was a bit awkward, but good. Through texting and Facebook we had set up a time to meet with both her and the birth father that weekend. The week dragged by knowing we had a little trip planned for the weekend.

The day finally came and we jumped in the trusty Chevy and traveled north. Through construction and pot holes we traveled. Before we had left the birth father had called us and told us something had "come up" for the birth mother and she couldn't make it. We assured him we'd still make the trip to meet him. We had a nice visit and stayed for three hours or so before we once again made our voyage back to home base. We had learned during our visit that the reason the birth mom couldn't make it was because she had had some sort of disagreement with her mom and was grounded and had phone privileges revoked. Also her mom wanted her to be ready to meet us (ready or not this kid is going to be born in September). Her mom also wanted her to go through an adoption agency (Oy! I believe I mentioned the price tag with those things).

We had limited contact through Facebook with the birth mom a bit. We encouraged her to talk with our attorney before making a decision. After a few days and the reinstating of phone access she and our attorney had a good discussion. We talked with the attorney afterward and it sounded pretty positive. She also messaged us and let us know that after her vacation she was good with proceeding using the attorneys (glory be!).

So now we are setting up the arrangement of the attorneys and the home study. We're about to hemorrhage money, and a lot of it. It's doable though and we look forward to the day about two months from now when all the fun paperwork and fees and such are behind us, and we are holding our little boy!

This is far from over though. To be continued...