I have mixed feelings when it comes to the birth mother. I try to see things from her perspective. To put it kindly her living conditions are less than ideal. She has an alcoholic mother who doesn't seem to be around much (unless otherwise inconvenient for others it appears). All her siblings are halvsies and their natural fathers are no where to be seen. She doesn't have the greatest of examples in her life. She winds up pregnant at 14 so to add more hormones to some hormones that are already raging I'm sure I can't imagine the world that she lives in. On the other hand that doesn't give her the right to lead people along with the kind of things that she is. Giving a baby up is a big deal and it's not like promising a friend that you will give them a blanket and then reconsider and give it to someone else. You are dealing with people that more than likely have been childless for years. They already bear emotional scars that you can't see and more than likely don't understand and never will since you are on the opposite side of this equation. I can't understand why in her mind it's ok to promise the kinds of things she did to us for months and then pull and 180 and pull the proverbial rug out from under our feet. Then turn around and possibly do it to another couple. I don't know how far she was looking into another couple or if she held back a little more than she did with us or not. Either way it's on the wrong side of playing with people's emotions and hearts.
That being said I try to be understanding of her situation, but I'm not pleased with her. I've been leery of her from the start. It's not going to change anything if I go off in a rage and get bent out of shape myself. I don't feel that I have to though. I feel for the poor little shaver that she is going to attempt to raise (probably by herself). Other than that though just by the choices that she is making she is setting her life up to be hard and miserable. I don't think it'll be too far down the road when her mother tells her that she is on her own in this. The environment as mentioned before is less than desirable so unfortunately it will be the child that will suffer most of the time. The birth mom's hopes and dreams of school and sports and the like are shot. I'm sure she doesn't see that yet, but those are now in the past. I don't have to rant and rave and call down curses upon her because she has done that all by herself. I heavily believe that God counts the tears of his daughters and if that's credited into an account for later that needs to be addressed this girl is in for a world of problems, and that's just based off of the crying my wife has done on the situation. That's not to say anything of anything else that she may or may have done to anyone else.
Because of the things she is doing I get to sit here and watch my wife cry and fret and worry on a daily basis. I believe in forgiveness and since I know I'll be rooting for the side of mercy when I get to the judgement seat it's important that I try and be understanding and offer the same things. Watching your spouse go through heart wrenching things because of another though makes it hard not to demand a little bit of retribution though. Luckily all that will be up to the Lord. It's not for me to worry about. I hope that that poor wee lad will be able to find some form of peace if things end up in the direction that they are going.
I don't understand why things worked out (or are looking that way anyway) the way that they did (are). I think there is a reason for it. I just can't see what it is at this point in time. I guess if nothing else its at least got us going on our home study. I can only assume that one of these days we'll have it done and should something pop up we'll be ready for it.
