Overview of Fifth Area: Lebanon

My fifth and final area was Lebanon. I know how it's spelled but if you pronounce it like it's spelled you will be mocked. It is pronounced Leb-e-nen. I was here for 4 1/2 months (February 2007 - June 2007). We covered two wards here. The Pioneer ward which was in town, and the Snow Peak ward which was in the outer reaches of the area. We shared a car in this area; a 2006 Toyota Corolla we called Roxy. Our apartment had a wicked speed bump going into the lot. You had to be careful if you were sitting in the back seat. We played a little game at times where if you were in the back seat and you weren't paying attention the driver would go over the bump slowly with the front two wheels and then mash on it and slam the back wheels over the bump as quickly as possible. If you were in the back and not paying attention there was a 99% chance your head would slam into the roof and you'd deal with a headache and possibly a bump if it was solid enough (I never said it was a good game). If you knew what was going on you'd be smart and duck. The weeks we didn't have the car we'd work mostly in town. The weeks we had the car we'd plan on things in the ward out in the boonies.

This is the area I was introduced to Racquetball. I've never been much of a sports fan, but for some reason I find this game fun. We spent a lot of P-days playing Racquetball. I took a couple of classes in college after I got home. I think I've improved quite a bit since then.

My last transfer out I was made District Leader. I still can't figure out why I was made a DL right before I was going to go home. Maybe it gave me something else to focus on. I did have a little fun with it though. My last district meeting I made sure we sang "Ye Elder of Israel" purely for the joy of singing "Oh Lebanon, Oh Lebanon I bid thee farewell. I'm going to the mountains of Ephraim to dwell!" (of course I changed a few words to suit my needs) Since Ephraim was where I was going to college, I made sure to rub it in just a bit.

This is the only area I had more than two different companions. I had three, they were rotated every transfer. The first one was my "step son". I follow up trained him. He drove me crazy. The other two I got along with. This was the first area I was in where the zone had more than one district. It was also the first area I was in that actually rained a bit. It was west of the mountain range and I was there before summer officially hit so I did get to see a little bit of the rain that makes everything so green around there.

This area had a particularly steep road. It was several miles long and had the better part of around a 20% grade in places. I was determined to ride my bike down that sucker at least once. I did with my last companion and achieved a speed usually reserved for cars. My speedometer read pretty close to 65 at one point. 65 in a car and 65 on a bike are two completely separate things. You can wiggle the steering wheel on a car at 65 and not worry much about it. If you wiggle your handlebars on a bike at that speed you'll probably be eating rocks. One of the elders in our district did the same thing at about 35 on a dirt road and he had to go to the hospital and get staples in his head and a sling for his arm. He was wearing his helmet but the clip broke the first time he biffed it and and the helmet flew off. The rest was pretty painful.

I don't have many pictures from this area. I had a digital camera that I had been sending the memory cards home when they got full and my dad pulled everything off and would send them back. For the last six months of my mission I didn't send them home because I figured that I would just unload them when I got home. I pulled everything off when I got home and then forgot to back them up and formatted my computer. About 30 seconds into the process I remembered that I had just lost 6 months worth of pictures. What little I have are from a CD that one of my investigators burned for me that had stuff from my companion, and some video I had from my video camera. Lesson learned.

Overview of Fourth Area: Klamath Falls

For my fourth area I was shipped back to Klamath Falls and I was there for another 6 months (August 2006 - February 2007), which means I spent 10 1/2 months of my mission in Klamath Falls. This go around I was in the 3rd ward. It was the first area I was in that we didn't have a car so I put a good many miles on my bike here (as well as my shoes).

This side of Klamath didn't have as many hills as the other turf I was familiar with. It was pretty flat and our boarders extended to the outer reaches of the boonies of the east side of Klamath. I didn't have the lake (or the midgees that I'll mention in a forthcoming story). I did get the opportunity to check up on the first person that I taught and saw baptized though so that was cool, and I got to catch up with a few friends from the old stomping grounds as well as create new ones in the 3rd ward.

This was the first area that I was a "Dad". I helped train a new missionary who is known as your "Son". Rather than trainer and trainee that just worked out better I guess. My son wound up being my most favorite companion ever. We got along really well and enjoyed the work that we were involved in. We had some investigators that we grew really attached to. Things went really well with them until everything just fell apart. It's still a mystery what happened to them. There is a street not too far from where I live that has a name that is very close to one of their names and every time I see it it makes me wonder what happened. It's crazy to think that their little girl would be 10 now. She was only a few months when we first found them.

This area is where I had probably one of the worst days I've ever had on record. I'll go into the details on that in a later story. I've heard that we are given trials because Heavenly Father trusts us with them. There are days I wish he wouldn't trust me so dang much. I know I mentioned my little ER trip in the last overview. It's comparable to that little trip, but without the ER trip. It does end on with a rather amusing/scary fellow we ran into as the sun was going down that day.

Our apartment was probably one of the bigger apartments in the mission. We had some awesome green flowery couches that clashed wonderfully with the lovely pink shag carpet. We had a private little courtyard for a back yard. We even had a garage to stash our bikes in.

The missionaries in the area I was first in had moved out of the house because it had a mouse problem (apparently things got worse after I left the first time). My MTC companion ended up being there at one point and he mentioned they had caught somewhere in the neighborhood of 70+ rodents.

I went through a pile of bike tubes in this area. There was just something nasty that kept blowing holes in my tubes. I tried some solid "tires" that go where the tube goes underneath the tread. They were way to loose so I took them back. I wound up finding this plastic lining that you put between the tread and the tube. I haven't had a flat since. Well worth the investment. I even had to replace the tread too because I was starting to go bald and because I was thinking maybe something was in the tread itself that was blowing holes in my tubes. By the time I got home I had 1459 miles (give or take a few) on my bike. The beast still sits at my home today. I love that bike.

Overview of Third Area: Sutherlin

Sutherlin was a little over an hour south of Eugene. It was the smallest town I served in. We were the only Elders in Sutherlin and our area was huge. We covered Umpqua, Elkton, Yoncalla, as well as other places that were so small they may or may not have had a name. I have a picture of the Elkton town mall. It was abandoned and looked like a glorified rusted out trailer home. Umpqua consisted of some houses that were miles apart and a Post Office/Bar/Gas Station. I only went out there once on a ridiculously hot day (115 degrees and muggy) so we could use the AC in the car (we weren't allowed AC in the apartment). I believe it only got down to a cool 98 degrees in the apartment that night. I have never known such misery since that day and count my blessings that I haven't had to. This ungodly heat only lasted a week and the residents say it was way out of the ordinary. My district included the Zone Leaders and another set of elders in Roseburg and a set in Myrtle Creek. This particular zone only had one district in it so we affectionately referred to it as the diszone. I think the only place I served that had more than one district in the zone was my last area (you'll hear about that one later).

We had another Chevy Malibu in this area. This one was a 2005. We named it Cabillo (pronounced cah-by-oh). We got that name from a cheesy film the church put out called "The Trophy Case". It's the name of the horse in the film. I don't know if that's the way it's spelled or not but that's the way I imagined it to be spelled. I was in this area for 4 1/2 months (April 2006 - August 2006). I had my first companion for one transfer and my second companion for two. They white washed the area with sisters after us (white washing means they pulled both missionaries out and put in two new ones). Our apartment was owned by the High Priests Group Leader. I'm sure he cut the church a deal. He had the two apartments above his garage in the backyard. We were in one and the neighbors were in the other.

This is the area in which I was introduced to allergies. I had never had an allergic reaction to anything in my life. Never a stuffed nose nor an itchy eye until this summer in Sutherlin. I wrote home telling my mom about my eyes itching like mad and my nose flowing like there was no tomorrow. I remember sitting on a less active family's front porch talking to them when I sneezed and blow snot all over in my hands. I left my hands where they were on my face and asked for a tissue. They brought me a teeny tiny tissue. I figured that wouldn't do it and asked for a paper towel. It's amazing the amount of snot the human face can hold. Three paper towels later I was finally presentable, but still sniffling like there was another gallon hidden in my face somewhere even after that blowout. I'm sure my parents had a good laugh over that one. My mom told me it sounded like allergies. I remember thinking allergies? I don't have those! I located some antihistamines and it at least stopped the insane snot flow I had. Ever since then every Spring and every Fall I usually suffer with the dreaded allergies. I've lucked out this spring so far. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. Maybe I was healed in my sleep or the salt bath on the cruise I just went on cured me. I'll hope either way.

The same Summer I was also introduced to Poison Oak unbeknownst to me. I just knew I was developing these weird itchy bumps on my ankles that eventually started to ooze. Not knowing what the deal was I figured it was some rash and in my mind hydrogen peroxide would make it go away. I poured the stuff on my ankles and would watch it fizz a bit. After that didn't seem to do much I tried rubbing alcohol. My how the fires from the ninth level of Hell burned with rubbing alcohol! I took that as a sign it was working. This continued for about a week and a half to two weeks. In the mean time I got some cool bumps on my hands and fingers that hurt. My ankles oozed nasty stuff so bad that I started duct taping paper towels around my ankles so I didn't get any nasty stuff on my pants. At long last I finally decided I'd had enough and that this fun stuff wasn't going to go away. My ankles had swollen and were bright red and almost purple in places. My skin was peeling and my hands hurt so much writing was obnoxious. I talked to the Zone Leaders and after waiting for them to talk to the Assistants to the President they concurred that the ER would be a good idea. I was driven to the ER in Roseburg.

Finally at almost 2AM I was released. I was put on antibiotics for the cellulitis I gave myself by dumping rubbing alcohol on my legs. They let me know it started as Poison Oak but the rubbing alcohol had made it worse. If cellulitis goes untreated that can turn into blood poisoning and that can be bad news. They also put me on some steroids to make the bumps go away on my hands. Several weeks later I finally was freed of that curse. I still have some discoloration on my legs from that fun time.

We occasionally saw wild turkeys hanging around on the edge of town. Blackberry bushes were here and there. It was the first area I was in that was on the west side of the mountain range so it was green.

I hit my year mark in Sutherlin so I burned a shirt. We had some quirky little traditions. When you were out three months you burned a sock, six months was a tie, a year was a shirt, 18 months was suit pants, and two years was an entire suit. I strictly adhered to these foolish traditions on the exact days of my anniversary. The sock and tie I burned were mine but the rest of them were old ones I had discovered left behind in apartment closets. Long live the foolish traditions of our fathers.

Overview of Second Area: Prineville

My second area was Prineville. Home of Les Schwab. It was a smaller town (about 8,500) and our district was a little further spread out than in Klamath. There were only two sets of us in Prineville. The Spanish Elders were in Madras to the north and two in Redmond to the west.

We had a car that we shared with the other Elders in Prineville. We'd switch every other week. This car was also a Chevy Malibu and we named it Jasmine. I was here for six months (October 2005 - April 2006). I had two companions for three months a piece. The first was from Utah. I got along with him. The second was from California and holding the tradition of California companions I had a love/hate relationship with him. We covered the Prineville 1st ward. The boundaries stretched out to a place called Mitchell. We only went out there twice to see what there was to see. There was a gas station (that was for all intents and purposes closed) and a handful of houses. The first time we went we hadn't planned on it being so far and we were pretty much out of gas when we got there. The guy that ran the gas station was kind enough to allow us to fill the car up. He didn't take credit cards so he let us go with a promise that we'd be back to pay him. We went back a few weeks later with some cash to pay him for the gas. They did have Henry the bear in a little fenced in area. I found a hole in the fence and stuck my camera in to take a picture or two. Henry licked my camera lens! I have a blurred picture of his pink tongue to prove it. The gas station had a picture of a card that had a road sign on it that showed the end of the world being four miles and Mitchell Oregon being five.

There was a place called the painted hills out that way so we visited it on one of the trips to Mitchell. The town had a western feel to it. Most the residents were cowboys and whatnot. We lived in an apartment off of a garage behind a members house. Being there for the winter it got chilly and snowed. The members in the house in front of us had three little boys. They were 5, 8, and 11 at the time. It's hard to think they will be 15, 18, and 21 now.

I struggled for a bit in Prineville. While I was here my mission president had to go home for a transfer for surgery. He was diagnosed with Cancer, but the surgery was successful and he was able to return after that transfer. In the mean time the mission president that I had for a week came back to hold down the fort in the mission office.

We got to party with the members for Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. About the time the frost was thawing and it was warming up for spring I was transferred to my next area.

Overview of First Area: Klamath Falls

My first area was Klamath Falls. We covered the 1st ward in Klamath and then 2 branches out in the boonies. The Chiloquin branch is a little ways north of Klamath. The Keno branch was a bit south and west. The branch went into California so I got to go to the boarder a time or two. The furthest south I ever went was to a little place called Tennant California. It was a dirt road with a row of houses. I think it was on the outskirts of the world. We could see Mt. Shasta from there. It looked bigger than it did in Klamath being several miles closer.

While in Klamath I had heard a few nicknames for the place. Klamtucky, Klamabama, Cracka Falls. The most of the area for the 1st ward was pretty ghetto looking. There was a section of town that had bigger houses called Nob Hill. We called it Snob Hill.

We had a 2003 Chevy Malibu to beat around. We called it Mally. I named all the cars that I had in the mission. I was here for 3 transfers (4 1/2 months June - October 2005) and had two companions here. My first companion was from Missouri and I was with him for 2 transfers (3 months) and the second was from California.

I got to go visit a military airfield called Kingsley Field and see the facility and jets that were around. I got to go to the lava beds in Tulelake California and explore the caves around there. I also got to go to Crater Lake a couple of times. It was actually in our area so we went once with some members on a P-day and once with our district. Each transfer we got to pick a fun activity to do and a spiritual activity. There was a temple in Medford so I think it was once a transfer we got to go to the temple. It was about 3 or 4 hours away.

Klamath has the most beautiful sunsets I have ever seen. Klamath Lake is right on the boarder of the city so I took a lot of sunset pictures on the lake as well as on top of the little hill that was in the middle of our area.

The church building in Klamath is one of two in the world that has the Articles of Faith on the side of the building.

Klamath was my first taste of life outside the Utah bubble. The streets make no sense. City blocks were almost unheard of and when there was blocks they were all confusing one way streets. The rest of the streets seemed to be broken up into different sections in different parts of town. So when someone lived on Washington street you had to figure out which section of the street you were actually looking for. Occasionally there was a portion of the street that was still named the same thing even though it was in a completely different part of town. The city planner must have been on something when they started putting things together.

The other thing I noticed was that there were churches everywhere. A lot like Utah except instead of an LDS church every block or so it was pretty much the opposite. I think there was 3 LDS chapels in the entire city of Klamath. There were hundreds of other churches every other block or so. Some very interesting to behold to put it mildly.

I loved Klamath Falls. I loved the people there. There were a few wacko's and some that were pretty mean (as you'll probably see in forthcoming stories), but all in all I loved being there. The members were awesome and helped us out where they could. I think Klamath Falls was probably my favorite place to serve. I later got to go back and serve in a different ward, but that will be for a different day.

Voluntary Deafness

So I had to deal with a person at work that was so infuriating that they have won a spot on my blog. It started with one ticket saying their computer was slow. Looking at the hardware I agreed and let the user know that the machine was scheduled to be replaced in June and that if they wanted it replaced sooner than that to have their supervisor order the machine and I could get it set up for them.

I don't hear anything until the next day when another ticket is put in asking for some software to be installed on the same computer, but that it was going to be replaced soon and that it would probably be best if the software was installed on the new machine. I again emailed him telling him that if by "soon" he meant June then yes it would be "soon" but if he needed the software sooner than next year sometime to get his supervisor to purchase a computer and I'd be happy to set it up. The software he was requesting would not run on the OS he was currently running and he would need to upgrade in order for the software to be installed. He replied saying he would talk to his supervisor and not thirty seconds later had submitted ANOTHER ticket saying he wanted his computer replaced. I asked him why he had submitted another ticket for the exact same thing that I had just talked to him about. He said he read the email wrong and that he would talk to his supervisor.

A few minutes later the person calls me wanting to "discuss their computer situation". I again had to tell them twice over the phone that if they didn't want to wait until June that they would need to have their supervisor order him a computer. After sounding disappointed and hanging up I couldn't believe that I had to tell someone five times over emails and over the phone that they had to buy a computer. How hard is it to understand "Buy a computer"? I don't know how much simpler I could put it.

Not ten minutes later his supervisor is calling the helpdesk asking how to order a computer and the helpdesk is asking me how to order a computer. I told them what little I knew and that if they don't know how to order something they A) either don't have the rights too or B) need to be taught in the ways of being a supervisor (or both). Turns out A was the correct answer.

Luckily for me both goobers happen to have their own IT Analyst that was willing to deal with Tweedledee and Tweedledum and get them figured out. So I was able to close the load of tickets that had been opened up on the exact same issue because they weren't willing to read all the way through my emails and attempt to understand what was going on. I didn't have anything technical in them. If they can't understand "Buy a computer" then I don't have any hope for them. I think it got to a point where the helpdesk has pretty much refused to deal with them and they are to be referred to their IT Analyst for anything they need. All this for a user that will only be here for six months anyway.

Mission Stories: MTC

The MTC was not my favorite place to be. I'd gladly have stayed another transfer with my hardest companion then go through that misery again. I was there for 3 weeks. I believe it is less time now. Preach My Gospel had just come out and I think we were one of the first few rounds of missionaries to start using it. I never used the lessons from "The Purple Dragon" as the last missionary manual was known as.

The first day you are there you get your things and get your "dork dot" (the sticker on your tag that meant you are new). You meet the other noobs and get your rooms and whatnot. I had a cousin that was there the same time as I was. He was going to Mexico so he was there for 6 weeks and his last two weeks overlapped my first two. I got to see him a couple of times at meals.

At that time the old "Tree of Life" was the shower. It was just a big room that had big posts in the room with several shower heads running around the post. When my friend went through a month later they had been done away with and replaced with individual shower stalls.

I loathed being in the call center. Phones are not my favorite thing in the world. I don't care to call and talk to people that I know let alone some weirdo on the other end that's more than likely not interested in what's going on. I couldn't decide if I liked the inbound calls or the outbound calls better. Inbound the phone would ring and you had to answer it. It was slightly easier because at least they were calling you. No thanks. Outbound you sat on the line and after a beep you heard the other person answer and away you go. Also no thanks. There were two calls in particular that I remember fairly well.

Call 1: This call was an outbound call. I heard the beep and an older guy was on the line. He was a pretty good story teller and was interesting to listen too. Any time I was on the phone was less time I had anxiety hoping I wouldn't hear the beep and have to say something. I had opened with the script on the screen and this guy was friendly enough to just go from there and roll into story after story. He told me all about how he thought the moon landing was a hoax, and how he had just gotten his lungs cleaned out. He was a smoker and had to go have all the junk sucked out of his lungs from years of smoking. He asked me "Have you ever thrown up so hard you though you might see your toes come out your mouth? That's what it feels like." It sounded like he was going to work his way into another story when his doorbell rang and his dogs started barking. He then asked if I could call back later. I said sure and marked him as a call back later. He was a friendly guy.

Call 2: This was also an outbound call. After the beep I hear a mumbled "Hey". I read the prompt in front of me and sat there listening. The guy is talking to someone else and clearly not paying any attention to me. I asked if Johnny was there. More mumbling and muffled speech. I asked again and again go no reply. I asked one more time just for the sake of saying I tried and suddenly the dude must have heard something because he screamed "WHO THE *&%#! IS JOHNNY!?". I apologized and told him I must have had a wrong number. I marked as a do not call back.

I did like listening to the stories from my teachers. They were a welcome break to the endless grind of learning the lessons and preparing for the upcoming abuse I was mentally trying to prepare myself for. My companion was from California (I had a hard time getting along with my companions from California) and the district leader of our group in the MTC. This was a pattern that I would get to follow most of my mission. A lot of my companions were district leaders (or shortly after me became a district leader). This one was probably the easiest Californian companion that I had, but I still didn't like how pushy he was with me. The perks of being the companion to the district leader is they go to meetings you aren't invited to so you get some extra time to study or goof around or whatever, as long as you are in a close proximity of course.

While I was in the MTC we got to meet our Mission President. He and his wife were also in training and would be my mission president my whole mission (with the exception of the first week in Oregon and one transfer where He had to go home for surgery). I liked having that connection with my mission president. We went out the same time but because mission presidents serve three years they had another year after I went home.

I did connect with a couple of the other Elders. What sucked was half of us were going to Oregon and half of us were going to Arizona. Of course the Elders I made friends with the best were the ones going to Arizona.

We did have our moments to goof around though. There was about an hour or two before bedtime that we had to get ready and wind down a bit. Being a bunch of 19 year olds of course we found some wild things to do. We got some pictures of ourselves looking like we were in The Matrix (with some help from an ironing board a chair and a doorknob) and of course when they tell you not to hit each other with your workout elastic bands that's the first thing that happens. One of the Elders going to Arizona was 26 and from Australia. We all worshiped his accent and made a few videos of him stroking the Book of Mormon saying "Crikey! It's the Word of God! Isn't she a bute!"

The day that we left for Oregon was the day that G. B. Hizzy himself spoke at the MTC. I was a little bummed out that I missed out on that but, I was glad that I was on my way out and on to a new adventure.