Adoption (Part 4)

I haven't' written much on the adoption as of late. The crap hit the fan and kinda took a turn for the worse. As always it isn't over until it's over, but things look pretty bleak at this point. The birth mom (for today at least, it seems to change every few days) has decided to keep the baby. The birth father has gotten his rights as the father but if she's decided to keep the baby then there isn't much that he can do if she's keeping it other than have an influence in its life.

I have mixed feelings when it comes to the birth mother. I try to see things from her perspective. To put it kindly her living conditions are less than ideal. She has an alcoholic mother who doesn't seem to be around much (unless otherwise inconvenient for others it appears). All her siblings are halvsies and their natural fathers are no where to be seen. She doesn't have the greatest of examples in her life. She winds up pregnant at 14 so to add more hormones to some hormones that are already raging I'm sure I can't imagine the world that she lives in. On the other hand that doesn't give her the right to lead people along with the kind of things that she is. Giving a baby up is a big deal and it's not like promising a friend that you will give them a blanket and then reconsider and give it to someone else. You are dealing with people that more than likely have been childless for years. They already bear emotional scars that you can't see and more than likely don't understand and never will since you are on the opposite side of this equation. I can't understand why in her mind it's ok to promise the kinds of things she did to us for months and then pull and 180 and pull the proverbial rug out from under our feet. Then turn around and possibly do it to another couple. I don't know how far she was looking into another couple or if she held back a little more than she did with us or not. Either way it's on the wrong side of playing with people's emotions and hearts.

That being said I try to be understanding of her situation, but I'm not pleased with her. I've been leery of her from the start. It's not going to change anything if I go off in a rage and get bent out of shape myself. I don't feel that I have to though. I feel for the poor little shaver that she is going to attempt to raise (probably by herself). Other than that though just by the choices that she is making she is setting her life up to be hard and miserable. I don't think it'll be too far down the road when her mother tells her that she is on her own in this. The environment as mentioned before is less than desirable so unfortunately it will be the child that will suffer most of the time. The birth mom's hopes and dreams of school and sports and the like are shot. I'm sure she doesn't see that yet, but those are now in the past. I don't have to rant and rave and call down curses upon her because she has done that all by herself. I heavily believe that God counts the tears of his daughters and if that's credited into an account for later that needs to be addressed this girl is in for a world of problems, and that's just based off of the crying my wife has done on the situation. That's not to say anything of anything else that she may or may have done to anyone else.

Because of the things she is doing I get to sit here and watch my wife cry and fret and worry on a daily basis. I believe in forgiveness and since I know I'll be rooting for the side of mercy when I get to the judgement seat it's important that I try and be understanding and offer the same things. Watching your spouse go through heart wrenching things because of another though makes it hard not to demand a little bit of retribution though. Luckily all that will be up to the Lord. It's not for me to worry about. I hope that that poor wee lad will be able to find some form of peace if things end up in the direction that they are going.

I don't understand why things worked out (or are looking that way anyway) the way that they did (are). I think there is a reason for it. I just can't see what it is at this point in time. I guess if nothing else its at least got us going on our home study. I can only assume that one of these days we'll have it done and should something pop up we'll be ready for it.

Adoption (Part 3)

So things took an unexpected turn in all this. We were sifting through paperwork. The birth mom had said that we were officially chosen. We'd shelled out thousands of dollars on attorneys and made several trips up to Idaho. This was looking like (as was supposed to be) a sure thing. Then the crap hit the fan. Sometimes it is crazy how quickly things can turn around. We we promised that this was going to happen. Then slowly but surely things started to tank. Suddenly the maternal baby granny insisted that we needed to go through a silly agency in Boise (nowhere near anyone involved). She insisted that if we wanted this we needed to make it work and take time off work or church or whatever it be (obviously against our religion, and frown upon it) and meet with this silly counselor from Boise. So we rearrange our schedules and drive the 2 1/2 hours up there (again) to meet with them for 30 minutes then turn around and head back home. I didn't like it at all to begin with. It felt fake. Like it was all a show for the baby granny. My wife had hashed over most of the details with the birth mom through messages on Facebook for the last several weeks. Later that night the birth mom told the birth dad that she was wanting us to go through the agency because they could squeeze some money in their favor (illegal by the way) and then she would keep the kid at the end. Things went badly real quick and now the birth mom has found another couple she is going with. I'm not sure if it's to stick with the plan and pull the rug out from underneath them in the end or really adopt the kid out. She's said she wants the birth dad out of the picture and shut him out completely.

The birth dad has rights though and he is looking to exercise those rights to prevent the adoption from happening. So it could go one of two ways really. With the adoption halted she could decide that it's not worth it and relinquish her rights or she could dig in and fight it out in court for the next however many months/years. Turns out that she is very good at lying and manipulating folks. So there is still a chance that we may end up with the child, but my bets are on things getting nasty and there will be plenty of mud flinging in a court room somewhere. She obviously doesn't care about anyone but herself, so I imagine that's how it'll be going down.

There is nothing like the feeling of thinking something is going to work out for you, and then find out that the rope you had has turned into a noose and is doing its best to strangle all the feeling that it can out of you. I've been fairly calm through all of this mess. I've felt peace in the wild hurricane that is raging around me. I don't know why I feel this way or how really. My wife is crying and ranting and losing all kinds of sleep over this. I thought I would be too, but something is giving me the strength to sit back and see what happens. True I'd like to introduce a baseball bat to a few faces and see what Picasso's paintings would look like in real life. I know that's not exactly Christlike though and this is one of those times were I feel I need to "Be still and know that I am God". Elder Scott years ago in one of his talks mention how the Lords millstone of justice worked slowly, but it was efficient. No one will get away with things that they have done. I try to be forgiving and patient with things like this because for the most part I know that "they know not what they do". It doesn't make it hurt any less, but leaving it up to the Lord and not trying to be a spiritual vigilante of sorts at least takes that responsibility from me. It leaves it up to the Lord to divvy out things as he sees fit. I know I've done dumb things too, and more than likely done my fair share of pain to others. I can only hope that by showing a bit of compassion for others even though they sought (or maybe just heedlessly did) evil to me, I might have a measure of that compassion when I have things I'm not proud of laid out in front of me.

It's easy to get bent and hope for the worst for someone that's caused you grief, but I think it's easier to move on and let things happen how they may. I can spend my time worrying and fussing over something that I have no control over, or I can put my time and energy into something that will be more constructive for me and those I interact with. The choice is mine to make, and it's one that you make every day. I feel that by not letting it get to me I deny the person trying to hurt me the satisfaction of knowing that they got to me, and see me hurt myself day in and day out by stressing and getting angry over something that they did to me.

Anyway long story short things look bad, but I know that even though things have not gone the way I hoped I do still have things to be happy about. The amount of support that we have been getting from friends and family is amazing. I hold out hope for the day that something will work out and I can see a reason why things turned out the way that they did.

Adoption (Part 2)

So this is the part of the adoption where there is paperwork. It's long and tedious and they like to know everything about you, your family, your dogs, their family history, and how you wipe your butt. It's not quite that bad really... but it's close. There are a ton of questions, and finance stuff to go over and medical stuff to figure out. It's hours and hours of answering questions. Come to think of it if anyone was asked the same thing before they decided to have a family or at least wild kinky things with no strings attached the type of questions and length alone of the paperwork would pretty much kill the mood all by itself. Putting everything on paper you feel pretty much like you probably won't get approved after it's all over. Between not having anything in savings (because of the adoption) or because of your wacky family history it makes me wonder which straw is going to break the camel's back. You need to have a safe place for a child and I agree with that, but in ways it's not fair that fertile Myrtle that has 14 kids and is in no way, shape, or form able to take care of them, can just live off of welfare and be free to add to the neglected kids that call her mother. She would never be asked a question about anything or pay a dime, but us poor saps that can't have our own  have to save for years (or worse get a loan) and put everything we have into finally having one. We need smoke detectors and other such safety features, but Myrtle wouldn't even need a roof over their heads that could burn down in the first place.

Life's not fair and that's just the way things go. We'll just plow through the paperwork and hope that we can get it all finished in time.

Adoption (Part 1)

So first a little background. My wife and I have been trying to have a family for seven years now, and nothing has seemed to work out in that regard. We've been to all kinds of doctors and specialists and been poked and prodded and given different stories as to possible reasons as to why this, that, or the other. Hopes have run high and then been dashed later. We finally got to a point where we just don't want to do it anymore. We looked at adoption but it's so stupid expensive that even if you are able to adopt it seemed like you would have to trade in your house for a cardboard box for the child and then your social worker would likely take the child away because the living circumstances just didn't cut it. We'd seen all kinds of folks run a gofundme campaign so we though why not? Anything will help. We passed it around and it was shared around, but ultimately we ended up with a fraction of a percent of the daunting price tag that an agency demands in order to even consider working with you (and we are talking the price of a spiffy new Subaru with all the options, and that's just the agency fees!)

You can always get loans and get yourself a ball and chain of that nature for the next however many years (also not very beneficial to the amount of dough you'll need just for the basics to keep the child alive). It was becoming quite obvious that adoption is a booming business and though the selling of children is strictly illegal, there didn't appear to be an affordable way to work on getting your family started (though there is no problem with the government paying for the living expenses of a lazy single drug addicted mother and her 14 children, all with different fathers). That being said I'm not trying to be judgmental towards those that need a little help in life. I'm just trying to point out that adoption seems to come with a ridiculous price tag and it appears (to me at least) that the only way to adopt is to heap up ridiculous amounts of debt to do so.

Those that are able to conceive naturally have insurance to help with hospital bills (which by the way are still less than the fees associated with adoption agencies for the most part). There is no such things as insurance for adoptions (though there might be a multi million dollar idea in that!). Most insurance won't even cover fertility treatments, since that is considered optional.

Anyway I digress from story to griping. Long story (or gripe) short nothing was looking plausible. With enough savings we might be able to adopt by the time we retired, but we likely wouldn't live long enough to see graduation from high school (and that is problematic on so many levels).

Now onto the good stuff. My father-in-law had been working incognito for the past several months. He had found a family connection down the line of a child in need of adoption. He just so happened to have a daughter (and son-in-law) looking to adopt. Finding a child is half the battle and cuts the wildly expensive agency out of the equation. With the search over all that's needed is the paperwork to be done by attorneys (still thousands of dollars, but a lot better than the tens of thousands of dollars otherwise required). My father-in-law had done a lot of checking and confirming before telling us anything about it. Once he was sure that it was a real possibility for us, he let us in on the secret.

We were beyond thrilled. Everything seemed to fit into place. It looked good that everyone involved was in agreement. We called and talked to the birth mother that day. It was a bit awkward, but good. Through texting and Facebook we had set up a time to meet with both her and the birth father that weekend. The week dragged by knowing we had a little trip planned for the weekend.

The day finally came and we jumped in the trusty Chevy and traveled north. Through construction and pot holes we traveled. Before we had left the birth father had called us and told us something had "come up" for the birth mother and she couldn't make it. We assured him we'd still make the trip to meet him. We had a nice visit and stayed for three hours or so before we once again made our voyage back to home base. We had learned during our visit that the reason the birth mom couldn't make it was because she had had some sort of disagreement with her mom and was grounded and had phone privileges revoked. Also her mom wanted her to be ready to meet us (ready or not this kid is going to be born in September). Her mom also wanted her to go through an adoption agency (Oy! I believe I mentioned the price tag with those things).

We had limited contact through Facebook with the birth mom a bit. We encouraged her to talk with our attorney before making a decision. After a few days and the reinstating of phone access she and our attorney had a good discussion. We talked with the attorney afterward and it sounded pretty positive. She also messaged us and let us know that after her vacation she was good with proceeding using the attorneys (glory be!).

So now we are setting up the arrangement of the attorneys and the home study. We're about to hemorrhage money, and a lot of it. It's doable though and we look forward to the day about two months from now when all the fun paperwork and fees and such are behind us, and we are holding our little boy!

This is far from over though. To be continued...

Where's the Kaboom?

In an episode of Looney Tunes Marvin the Martian is making an attempt to blow up the earth with his Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator because it obstructs his view of Venus. Bugs Bunny runs off with his device while Marvin is plugging his ears and closing his eyes. After a minute Marvin asks "Where's the kaboom? There was supposed to be an earth-shattering kaboom!"

Link for context: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QuUJfYcn3V4

I'm pretty sure I heard that kaboom the other night when I opened the garage door (the one from the house to the garage) and the entire garage shook with said kaboom. I flipped the light on expecting to see a disaster. After looking around for a minute trying to find the source of such a loud noise I walked around the door (the one for the cars) and couldn't see anything blatantly obvious until I looked up. The spring for the door was now in two pieces and I noticed the wire holding on to the door on either end had let go or given up.

My first though was "Ah....that sounded expensive." and my second one was "It's not the furnace!" (owing to my previous adventures in our first house with the furnace there). We were able to get a garage repair guy out the next day and I was glad to find that it wasn't going to cost me an astronomical amount (a little over $200 with the right referral). It made me think of Marvin and the sound that he was expecting. I hope to not have to hear it again in the future.

Adventures With an Exhausting Executive

Working in IT I've had my share of dealing with execs. They've ranged from being pretty cool to being impatient. This last week I found one to top my avoidance list.

My supervisor had given me a Surface Book to set up for them (the $2700 variety). I had it set up in an hour or so and handed it off to our security master to make sure it was encrypted and slap an asset tag on it. In the meantime I had someone IM me asking if it was done yet, and my supervisor had several emails asking for a status on it. The usual turn around time on a new machine is at least 24 hours. We have to get them encrypted, software installed, and it has to sit on the network long enough for our systems to figure out it exists and get entered into our asset tracking system. Since this guy was one of the big wigs he had an army of folks asking if it was done every 15 minutes or so. I sent the guy that messaged me to the security master who's desk it was on. He's a busy guy and doesn't just sit at his desk waiting for us lowly hardware guys to give him something to tag. I'm sure he got a pile of requests to push it through "ASAP" as everyone likes things done. Being the big wig's machine I'm sure that leverage sped things up a bit and next thing I knew the machine was back on my desk about an hour before I was done for the day. Since my supervisor was the one that handed it to me I figured he could take it to the exec in the morning. About 15 minutes before I was going to leave I got a phone call from the security master asking if I'd taken the laptop over to the exec yet. I told him I hadn't but I could. He said I'd better because he was asking for it. I assume he was probably getting bombarded with the execs private army asking when it would be done.

So I hauled it over to the building across the street and stayed an hour after I was supposed to go home helping get everything transferred from the old Surface Pro 4 with the cracked screen to the new and groovy Surface Book. The exec was very impatient and demanded to know why it was "so slow" I've never considered 15 seconds from boot to login "slow" but this exec was already proving to be in a league of their own with impatience. I fiddled around and got email set up and One Note notebooks moved over. I moved everything over that was asked for. I asked several times if they had everything they needed. When the display port adapter designed to fit the Surface Pro 4 didn't fit the Surface Book adapter the exec didn't hesitate to whip out some scissors and start carving off plastic bits until it was able to be forced to fit. I asked several more times if there was anything else that was needed. After confirming several times that they were good I left for the day

The next day the security master slapped the laptop back on my desk and told me they needed the VPN software installed. I told them that it was already installed, but I could put a shortcut on the desktop to satisfy the exec.

A week later my supervisor was over at the building across the street and ran into a pleased exec... is what I'd like to say, but he started ragging on him about how our group sucks and should sit down and help get everything moved over to the new machine. The mac guy across the street had to move his favorites from Google Chrome over to his new machine. Did I mention how many times I asked him if he needed anything else? What a schmuck. 

I deal with people that are upset all the time about something. What really rips my shorts though is when I've gone out of my way to help someone get something set up or fixed but because I didn't read their mind that makes everything else I did worthless. It makes me glad that I don't have to deal with dopes like that all the time. Most people tend to be fairly understanding and patient. I have a low tolerance for people that are ignorant because they choose to be. Obviously this person is good at something because they have a much higher pay range than I do, but that doesn't give them the right to be a schmuck.

Being a jerk to the person that is trying to help you isn't going to help your situation any. Whether it's someone over the phone in a call center or a waiter serving you at a restaurant it makes no sense to be a jerk to them. They are there to help you and if you make their life difficult more than likely they have the power to make yours more difficult as well. It's about as effective as burning down your house to get rid of a rat.

The Tale of Rocketman

This is another tracting story from my first area. I'd been out a couple of months. We had been tracting a street when there looked like there was a path leading up the hill from the street. We almost missed it but decided we might as well follow it and see where we ended up. Lo and behold it lead to a house. The doors and windows were all wide open. It did look like someone lived there so we knocked to see what type of hermit lived atop this hill hidden from plain view. We stood around for a bit and knocked again just for good measure. We were about to leave when suddenly a guy comes racing to the door, flings it open, looks at us, and says "Oh good!" He didn't do this but I could see him rubbing his hands together. He just had a look in his eye.

He never invited us in, but he did talk to us for quite a while on his porch. He immediately started telling us all about how everyone in town knows him as Rocketman. He even had a little button that he wore that said "Rocketman, 50,000 sold!" He told us all about how he had taken breakfast cereal and had made them into little bars and sold them around town for $1 a piece. He rode his bike all over the place. I recognized him because we had indeed seen him on his bike in town quite often. He had an old white bike with the handlebars that curved down. He was bald and always had a beret on.

He then pointed inside his house to a sign on the wall (of which there were several) and asked me what does that say? I read: Pray Always. He said "No no the one next to it!" "Comfort Kills?" "Yes! That one! What do you think that means?" I had no idea so all I could think of was "You get comfortable and you die?" "YES!" He went on to say "If I push you off this porch and down the hill you'd probably die. You are comfortable see? But if I TELL you I'm going to push you down you'll brace yourself and resist me. You aren't comfortable so you won't die. Isn't that genius? I made it up myself!" My companion and I just looked at each other. Eventually we told him we needed to get going. Walking down the hill he hollered after us "Remember comfort kills!" He was always friendly. after we saw him and he'd always remind us "Comfort Kills!"