Updates to 2019

I've not written on here for over two years now. I guess life just happened. Last thing I put on here was the failed adoption we had in 2017. Little did we know going through that actually set us up for another adoption that happened to fall into our laps. After the previous mess we decided that we weren't going to mess around with Adoption anymore. Adoption agencies are in our opinion thieves, and private adoption we'd had our fill of. So we turned back to IVF and decided we were going to go ahead and give that a whirl.

We had three rounds of IVF in 2018. The first two ended up in miscarriages because as we later found out my wife is one of two known women that has her receptors open up in her uterus about 24 hours earlier than usual. That means that the embryo was being inserted too late and the one or two receptors that had grabbed on weren't enough to hold onto it. First one lasted about a day or so and second one was maybe a week or two.

In the middle of dealing with all of this (Shots, emotions, appointments, and all) about this time last year in October we learned that there might be a little shaver up for adoption. Not voluntarily mind you, but was in the custody of the state as some family members were in the process of losing parental rights to all their offspring. Youngest of which at the time was a little boy that was almost 18 months old. He was going to be adopted by his oldest half sister and her husband, but they found out they were going to have a third one of their own and decided having 4 wasn't going to financially work (also we think they didn't want to have to deal with the parents or the court proceedings, which we really can't blame them). We were told at the time that rights were going to be terminated on the 4th of November and it was all downhill from there (that turned out to be the understatement of the century). He was in the sisters custody so the parents really had no say over anything. This sounded better than the ordeal we had previously encountered so we jumped at the chance, figuring we'd run with this and finish one more round of IVF and hopefully at least end up with one child we could totally screw up all on our own.

This is the part where unbeknownst to use we began our dual roller coaster ride. Not only did we spend the next 8 months dealing with court dates, parental visits, and angry family members, but we also threw in a round of IVF on top of that so now we have shots, hormones, and heightened emotions as well. Folks if you are given the option to slit your wrists and do push ups in saltwater for a day, or go through court and IVF at the same time (which I personally believe is on the agenda in the seventh circle of Hell) you'd better jump at option one and grin like an idiot all the live long day knowing you are getting off easy.

There are days where we were both just emotionally spent wondering just what in the wide world of sports we had signed up for. The last time we were hammered this hard in life was when we foolishly decided to going through IUI and try and move (selling our old house and buying a house another one) at the same time. That turned out to be mild in comparison. We got custody of the boy on November 15th of last year so trying to run through all this mess, and trying to have a minimal impact on his poor little nerves was like trying to hold a cat in one arm and running a hair dryer in the other. He had to have visits every week with his "parents" (we call them donors). That always riled him up for several days after. They'd bring him toy and candy and all kinds of crap and we couldn't say anything about it. One time he was sick and we asked them to please not feed him anything. They ignored that and we had to clean all the throw up out of our car later. Once they heard about him throwing up they laughed. This is how much they cared about him. They freakin' LAUGHED that he threw up in our car. I'm sure the thought of our car being ruined was what thrilled them more than anything, but the fact that they didn't care anything about his well being irked us a tad (again understatement). Needless to say we have not missed the visits. He does SO much better not having them around.

Long story short we finally adopted him in June of this year. We did sign an agreement with the donors. They finally gave up their rights in exchange for being able to visit him. The agreement was in our favor leaving all the details up to us. I know they regret signing away their rights now knowing our plans moving forward is not appealing to them at all. They would have lost anyway, but it was going to be a long drawn out ordeal that we rather would not have liked to deal with either. There are still upset family members over it, but he's ours now so they can shove their fingers up their bum and deal with it.

Back to IVF now. The third round took. We had a full term pregnancy and now also have a little girl. She was born in September of this year. We have now gone from no kids to two in one year. We are now sleep deprived and jumpy new parents as well as agitated annoyed parents of a two year old toddler with some rage issues from a past life. It's challenging and not without it's issues. We find ourselves understanding those "Why my child is crying" memes online and texting each other things like #ToddlerLife. However, it's one of the more worth while hellish ordeals we've ever had to go through. Know that this is the seriously abridged version and the untold stories not on here could fill a few volumes in itself. It's hard stuff but we love our kids and look forward to seeing the wonderful (and wonderfully stupid) things that they come up with.

Updates however just gloss over the major things, and just hit important plot points to bring you up to speed and that is what is intended here. If you intended to read a novel you wouldn't be reading it from a blog!

Adoption (Part 4)

I haven't' written much on the adoption as of late. The crap hit the fan and kinda took a turn for the worse. As always it isn't over until it's over, but things look pretty bleak at this point. The birth mom (for today at least, it seems to change every few days) has decided to keep the baby. The birth father has gotten his rights as the father but if she's decided to keep the baby then there isn't much that he can do if she's keeping it other than have an influence in its life.

I have mixed feelings when it comes to the birth mother. I try to see things from her perspective. To put it kindly her living conditions are less than ideal. She has an alcoholic mother who doesn't seem to be around much (unless otherwise inconvenient for others it appears). All her siblings are halvsies and their natural fathers are no where to be seen. She doesn't have the greatest of examples in her life. She winds up pregnant at 14 so to add more hormones to some hormones that are already raging I'm sure I can't imagine the world that she lives in. On the other hand that doesn't give her the right to lead people along with the kind of things that she is. Giving a baby up is a big deal and it's not like promising a friend that you will give them a blanket and then reconsider and give it to someone else. You are dealing with people that more than likely have been childless for years. They already bear emotional scars that you can't see and more than likely don't understand and never will since you are on the opposite side of this equation. I can't understand why in her mind it's ok to promise the kinds of things she did to us for months and then pull and 180 and pull the proverbial rug out from under our feet. Then turn around and possibly do it to another couple. I don't know how far she was looking into another couple or if she held back a little more than she did with us or not. Either way it's on the wrong side of playing with people's emotions and hearts.

That being said I try to be understanding of her situation, but I'm not pleased with her. I've been leery of her from the start. It's not going to change anything if I go off in a rage and get bent out of shape myself. I don't feel that I have to though. I feel for the poor little shaver that she is going to attempt to raise (probably by herself). Other than that though just by the choices that she is making she is setting her life up to be hard and miserable. I don't think it'll be too far down the road when her mother tells her that she is on her own in this. The environment as mentioned before is less than desirable so unfortunately it will be the child that will suffer most of the time. The birth mom's hopes and dreams of school and sports and the like are shot. I'm sure she doesn't see that yet, but those are now in the past. I don't have to rant and rave and call down curses upon her because she has done that all by herself. I heavily believe that God counts the tears of his daughters and if that's credited into an account for later that needs to be addressed this girl is in for a world of problems, and that's just based off of the crying my wife has done on the situation. That's not to say anything of anything else that she may or may have done to anyone else.

Because of the things she is doing I get to sit here and watch my wife cry and fret and worry on a daily basis. I believe in forgiveness and since I know I'll be rooting for the side of mercy when I get to the judgement seat it's important that I try and be understanding and offer the same things. Watching your spouse go through heart wrenching things because of another though makes it hard not to demand a little bit of retribution though. Luckily all that will be up to the Lord. It's not for me to worry about. I hope that that poor wee lad will be able to find some form of peace if things end up in the direction that they are going.

I don't understand why things worked out (or are looking that way anyway) the way that they did (are). I think there is a reason for it. I just can't see what it is at this point in time. I guess if nothing else its at least got us going on our home study. I can only assume that one of these days we'll have it done and should something pop up we'll be ready for it.

Adoption (Part 3)

So things took an unexpected turn in all this. We were sifting through paperwork. The birth mom had said that we were officially chosen. We'd shelled out thousands of dollars on attorneys and made several trips up to Idaho. This was looking like (as was supposed to be) a sure thing. Then the crap hit the fan. Sometimes it is crazy how quickly things can turn around. We we promised that this was going to happen. Then slowly but surely things started to tank. Suddenly the maternal baby granny insisted that we needed to go through a silly agency in Boise (nowhere near anyone involved). She insisted that if we wanted this we needed to make it work and take time off work or church or whatever it be (obviously against our religion, and frown upon it) and meet with this silly counselor from Boise. So we rearrange our schedules and drive the 2 1/2 hours up there (again) to meet with them for 30 minutes then turn around and head back home. I didn't like it at all to begin with. It felt fake. Like it was all a show for the baby granny. My wife had hashed over most of the details with the birth mom through messages on Facebook for the last several weeks. Later that night the birth mom told the birth dad that she was wanting us to go through the agency because they could squeeze some money in their favor (illegal by the way) and then she would keep the kid at the end. Things went badly real quick and now the birth mom has found another couple she is going with. I'm not sure if it's to stick with the plan and pull the rug out from underneath them in the end or really adopt the kid out. She's said she wants the birth dad out of the picture and shut him out completely.

The birth dad has rights though and he is looking to exercise those rights to prevent the adoption from happening. So it could go one of two ways really. With the adoption halted she could decide that it's not worth it and relinquish her rights or she could dig in and fight it out in court for the next however many months/years. Turns out that she is very good at lying and manipulating folks. So there is still a chance that we may end up with the child, but my bets are on things getting nasty and there will be plenty of mud flinging in a court room somewhere. She obviously doesn't care about anyone but herself, so I imagine that's how it'll be going down.

There is nothing like the feeling of thinking something is going to work out for you, and then find out that the rope you had has turned into a noose and is doing its best to strangle all the feeling that it can out of you. I've been fairly calm through all of this mess. I've felt peace in the wild hurricane that is raging around me. I don't know why I feel this way or how really. My wife is crying and ranting and losing all kinds of sleep over this. I thought I would be too, but something is giving me the strength to sit back and see what happens. True I'd like to introduce a baseball bat to a few faces and see what Picasso's paintings would look like in real life. I know that's not exactly Christlike though and this is one of those times were I feel I need to "Be still and know that I am God". Elder Scott years ago in one of his talks mention how the Lords millstone of justice worked slowly, but it was efficient. No one will get away with things that they have done. I try to be forgiving and patient with things like this because for the most part I know that "they know not what they do". It doesn't make it hurt any less, but leaving it up to the Lord and not trying to be a spiritual vigilante of sorts at least takes that responsibility from me. It leaves it up to the Lord to divvy out things as he sees fit. I know I've done dumb things too, and more than likely done my fair share of pain to others. I can only hope that by showing a bit of compassion for others even though they sought (or maybe just heedlessly did) evil to me, I might have a measure of that compassion when I have things I'm not proud of laid out in front of me.

It's easy to get bent and hope for the worst for someone that's caused you grief, but I think it's easier to move on and let things happen how they may. I can spend my time worrying and fussing over something that I have no control over, or I can put my time and energy into something that will be more constructive for me and those I interact with. The choice is mine to make, and it's one that you make every day. I feel that by not letting it get to me I deny the person trying to hurt me the satisfaction of knowing that they got to me, and see me hurt myself day in and day out by stressing and getting angry over something that they did to me.

Anyway long story short things look bad, but I know that even though things have not gone the way I hoped I do still have things to be happy about. The amount of support that we have been getting from friends and family is amazing. I hold out hope for the day that something will work out and I can see a reason why things turned out the way that they did.

Adoption (Part 2)

So this is the part of the adoption where there is paperwork. It's long and tedious and they like to know everything about you, your family, your dogs, their family history, and how you wipe your butt. It's not quite that bad really... but it's close. There are a ton of questions, and finance stuff to go over and medical stuff to figure out. It's hours and hours of answering questions. Come to think of it if anyone was asked the same thing before they decided to have a family or at least wild kinky things with no strings attached the type of questions and length alone of the paperwork would pretty much kill the mood all by itself. Putting everything on paper you feel pretty much like you probably won't get approved after it's all over. Between not having anything in savings (because of the adoption) or because of your wacky family history it makes me wonder which straw is going to break the camel's back. You need to have a safe place for a child and I agree with that, but in ways it's not fair that fertile Myrtle that has 14 kids and is in no way, shape, or form able to take care of them, can just live off of welfare and be free to add to the neglected kids that call her mother. She would never be asked a question about anything or pay a dime, but us poor saps that can't have our own  have to save for years (or worse get a loan) and put everything we have into finally having one. We need smoke detectors and other such safety features, but Myrtle wouldn't even need a roof over their heads that could burn down in the first place.

Life's not fair and that's just the way things go. We'll just plow through the paperwork and hope that we can get it all finished in time.

Adoption (Part 1)

So first a little background. My wife and I have been trying to have a family for seven years now, and nothing has seemed to work out in that regard. We've been to all kinds of doctors and specialists and been poked and prodded and given different stories as to possible reasons as to why this, that, or the other. Hopes have run high and then been dashed later. We finally got to a point where we just don't want to do it anymore. We looked at adoption but it's so stupid expensive that even if you are able to adopt it seemed like you would have to trade in your house for a cardboard box for the child and then your social worker would likely take the child away because the living circumstances just didn't cut it. We'd seen all kinds of folks run a gofundme campaign so we though why not? Anything will help. We passed it around and it was shared around, but ultimately we ended up with a fraction of a percent of the daunting price tag that an agency demands in order to even consider working with you (and we are talking the price of a spiffy new Subaru with all the options, and that's just the agency fees!)

You can always get loans and get yourself a ball and chain of that nature for the next however many years (also not very beneficial to the amount of dough you'll need just for the basics to keep the child alive). It was becoming quite obvious that adoption is a booming business and though the selling of children is strictly illegal, there didn't appear to be an affordable way to work on getting your family started (though there is no problem with the government paying for the living expenses of a lazy single drug addicted mother and her 14 children, all with different fathers). That being said I'm not trying to be judgmental towards those that need a little help in life. I'm just trying to point out that adoption seems to come with a ridiculous price tag and it appears (to me at least) that the only way to adopt is to heap up ridiculous amounts of debt to do so.

Those that are able to conceive naturally have insurance to help with hospital bills (which by the way are still less than the fees associated with adoption agencies for the most part). There is no such things as insurance for adoptions (though there might be a multi million dollar idea in that!). Most insurance won't even cover fertility treatments, since that is considered optional.

Anyway I digress from story to griping. Long story (or gripe) short nothing was looking plausible. With enough savings we might be able to adopt by the time we retired, but we likely wouldn't live long enough to see graduation from high school (and that is problematic on so many levels).

Now onto the good stuff. My father-in-law had been working incognito for the past several months. He had found a family connection down the line of a child in need of adoption. He just so happened to have a daughter (and son-in-law) looking to adopt. Finding a child is half the battle and cuts the wildly expensive agency out of the equation. With the search over all that's needed is the paperwork to be done by attorneys (still thousands of dollars, but a lot better than the tens of thousands of dollars otherwise required). My father-in-law had done a lot of checking and confirming before telling us anything about it. Once he was sure that it was a real possibility for us, he let us in on the secret.

We were beyond thrilled. Everything seemed to fit into place. It looked good that everyone involved was in agreement. We called and talked to the birth mother that day. It was a bit awkward, but good. Through texting and Facebook we had set up a time to meet with both her and the birth father that weekend. The week dragged by knowing we had a little trip planned for the weekend.

The day finally came and we jumped in the trusty Chevy and traveled north. Through construction and pot holes we traveled. Before we had left the birth father had called us and told us something had "come up" for the birth mother and she couldn't make it. We assured him we'd still make the trip to meet him. We had a nice visit and stayed for three hours or so before we once again made our voyage back to home base. We had learned during our visit that the reason the birth mom couldn't make it was because she had had some sort of disagreement with her mom and was grounded and had phone privileges revoked. Also her mom wanted her to be ready to meet us (ready or not this kid is going to be born in September). Her mom also wanted her to go through an adoption agency (Oy! I believe I mentioned the price tag with those things).

We had limited contact through Facebook with the birth mom a bit. We encouraged her to talk with our attorney before making a decision. After a few days and the reinstating of phone access she and our attorney had a good discussion. We talked with the attorney afterward and it sounded pretty positive. She also messaged us and let us know that after her vacation she was good with proceeding using the attorneys (glory be!).

So now we are setting up the arrangement of the attorneys and the home study. We're about to hemorrhage money, and a lot of it. It's doable though and we look forward to the day about two months from now when all the fun paperwork and fees and such are behind us, and we are holding our little boy!

This is far from over though. To be continued...

Where's the Kaboom?

In an episode of Looney Tunes Marvin the Martian is making an attempt to blow up the earth with his Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator because it obstructs his view of Venus. Bugs Bunny runs off with his device while Marvin is plugging his ears and closing his eyes. After a minute Marvin asks "Where's the kaboom? There was supposed to be an earth-shattering kaboom!"

Link for context: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QuUJfYcn3V4

I'm pretty sure I heard that kaboom the other night when I opened the garage door (the one from the house to the garage) and the entire garage shook with said kaboom. I flipped the light on expecting to see a disaster. After looking around for a minute trying to find the source of such a loud noise I walked around the door (the one for the cars) and couldn't see anything blatantly obvious until I looked up. The spring for the door was now in two pieces and I noticed the wire holding on to the door on either end had let go or given up.

My first though was "Ah....that sounded expensive." and my second one was "It's not the furnace!" (owing to my previous adventures in our first house with the furnace there). We were able to get a garage repair guy out the next day and I was glad to find that it wasn't going to cost me an astronomical amount (a little over $200 with the right referral). It made me think of Marvin and the sound that he was expecting. I hope to not have to hear it again in the future.

Adventures With an Exhausting Executive

Working in IT I've had my share of dealing with execs. They've ranged from being pretty cool to being impatient. This last week I found one to top my avoidance list.

My supervisor had given me a Surface Book to set up for them (the $2700 variety). I had it set up in an hour or so and handed it off to our security master to make sure it was encrypted and slap an asset tag on it. In the meantime I had someone IM me asking if it was done yet, and my supervisor had several emails asking for a status on it. The usual turn around time on a new machine is at least 24 hours. We have to get them encrypted, software installed, and it has to sit on the network long enough for our systems to figure out it exists and get entered into our asset tracking system. Since this guy was one of the big wigs he had an army of folks asking if it was done every 15 minutes or so. I sent the guy that messaged me to the security master who's desk it was on. He's a busy guy and doesn't just sit at his desk waiting for us lowly hardware guys to give him something to tag. I'm sure he got a pile of requests to push it through "ASAP" as everyone likes things done. Being the big wig's machine I'm sure that leverage sped things up a bit and next thing I knew the machine was back on my desk about an hour before I was done for the day. Since my supervisor was the one that handed it to me I figured he could take it to the exec in the morning. About 15 minutes before I was going to leave I got a phone call from the security master asking if I'd taken the laptop over to the exec yet. I told him I hadn't but I could. He said I'd better because he was asking for it. I assume he was probably getting bombarded with the execs private army asking when it would be done.

So I hauled it over to the building across the street and stayed an hour after I was supposed to go home helping get everything transferred from the old Surface Pro 4 with the cracked screen to the new and groovy Surface Book. The exec was very impatient and demanded to know why it was "so slow" I've never considered 15 seconds from boot to login "slow" but this exec was already proving to be in a league of their own with impatience. I fiddled around and got email set up and One Note notebooks moved over. I moved everything over that was asked for. I asked several times if they had everything they needed. When the display port adapter designed to fit the Surface Pro 4 didn't fit the Surface Book adapter the exec didn't hesitate to whip out some scissors and start carving off plastic bits until it was able to be forced to fit. I asked several more times if there was anything else that was needed. After confirming several times that they were good I left for the day

The next day the security master slapped the laptop back on my desk and told me they needed the VPN software installed. I told them that it was already installed, but I could put a shortcut on the desktop to satisfy the exec.

A week later my supervisor was over at the building across the street and ran into a pleased exec... is what I'd like to say, but he started ragging on him about how our group sucks and should sit down and help get everything moved over to the new machine. The mac guy across the street had to move his favorites from Google Chrome over to his new machine. Did I mention how many times I asked him if he needed anything else? What a schmuck. 

I deal with people that are upset all the time about something. What really rips my shorts though is when I've gone out of my way to help someone get something set up or fixed but because I didn't read their mind that makes everything else I did worthless. It makes me glad that I don't have to deal with dopes like that all the time. Most people tend to be fairly understanding and patient. I have a low tolerance for people that are ignorant because they choose to be. Obviously this person is good at something because they have a much higher pay range than I do, but that doesn't give them the right to be a schmuck.

Being a jerk to the person that is trying to help you isn't going to help your situation any. Whether it's someone over the phone in a call center or a waiter serving you at a restaurant it makes no sense to be a jerk to them. They are there to help you and if you make their life difficult more than likely they have the power to make yours more difficult as well. It's about as effective as burning down your house to get rid of a rat.

The Tale of Rocketman

This is another tracting story from my first area. I'd been out a couple of months. We had been tracting a street when there looked like there was a path leading up the hill from the street. We almost missed it but decided we might as well follow it and see where we ended up. Lo and behold it lead to a house. The doors and windows were all wide open. It did look like someone lived there so we knocked to see what type of hermit lived atop this hill hidden from plain view. We stood around for a bit and knocked again just for good measure. We were about to leave when suddenly a guy comes racing to the door, flings it open, looks at us, and says "Oh good!" He didn't do this but I could see him rubbing his hands together. He just had a look in his eye.

He never invited us in, but he did talk to us for quite a while on his porch. He immediately started telling us all about how everyone in town knows him as Rocketman. He even had a little button that he wore that said "Rocketman, 50,000 sold!" He told us all about how he had taken breakfast cereal and had made them into little bars and sold them around town for $1 a piece. He rode his bike all over the place. I recognized him because we had indeed seen him on his bike in town quite often. He had an old white bike with the handlebars that curved down. He was bald and always had a beret on.

He then pointed inside his house to a sign on the wall (of which there were several) and asked me what does that say? I read: Pray Always. He said "No no the one next to it!" "Comfort Kills?" "Yes! That one! What do you think that means?" I had no idea so all I could think of was "You get comfortable and you die?" "YES!" He went on to say "If I push you off this porch and down the hill you'd probably die. You are comfortable see? But if I TELL you I'm going to push you down you'll brace yourself and resist me. You aren't comfortable so you won't die. Isn't that genius? I made it up myself!" My companion and I just looked at each other. Eventually we told him we needed to get going. Walking down the hill he hollered after us "Remember comfort kills!" He was always friendly. after we saw him and he'd always remind us "Comfort Kills!"

The Legend of Brian (The Second)

Yet another tracting story. We met another Brian in my fourth area. This one was a kid maybe 16 or 17ish. We knocked on his door and started talking to him. He let us in and halfway through the first lesson he said he'd be right back. So we waited...and waited...and waited. It sounded to us like he had gone to his room and was playing video games or something. We didn't know what else to do so we just chilled on his couch. after 20 minutes or so we started a companion study session right there on the couch. We were going through scriptures and cross referencing things. We were getting into it pretty good when his mom walked through the front door. She asked who we were. We told her who we were and that Brian had let us in, and part way through talking to him he said he'd be right back and still wasn't back yet. She just said "Oh..." and walked past us into the kitchen.

We looked at each other shrugged and went on with our studies. It was starting to get dark so we sat in the semi darkness reading. Eventually the kitchen light went on behind us. There was a partial wall between us and the kitchen. We heard Brain sneak into the kitchen and heard whispering back and forth between him and his mom. Occasionally you'd see the shadow of a head pop around the corner and disappear again. We didn't know what else to do other than milk it so we kept reading and talking to each other.

Finally after about 45 minutes of sitting on their couch the mom came out and said "....well I need to go back to work so I'm going to have to ask you to leave." We asked if there was a time we could come back and she said probably not. It looked like poor Brian who had achieved his life long dream of working at the Jiffy Lube didn't have the cajones to tell us to get lost himself. We thanked her and vacated the couch.

Ten years later as I write this it wouldn't surprise me to find out that a now 26 or 27ish year old Brain still lives at home playing video games and working at Jiffy Lube.

The Legend of Brian (The First)

This is another fun tracting story. In my third area my companion and I ran into a guy that was also knocking on doors looking for work. He was asking for any odd job and getting rejected just as heavily as we were. It didn't take long to figure the street was pretty much a bust that day since we were following a guy that people were already wanting off their doorstep. We decided to bag it and head back to our apartment. In the process this guy decided to follow us all over the place and tell us all about his crazy life. We found his name was Brian. He talked to us for a good hour to an hour and a half or so walking all the way. He asked if we had any work for him. We said no because we were missionaries and didn't have much that needed taking care of. He then talked about how he had talked to his minister in the spirit about how his wife was a sick spirit. Somewhere in the middle of it all apparently his minister asked him what he wanted his wife to look like. He said he wished she looked like Trinity from The Matrix. He then said he looked at her and she did look like Trinity from The Matrix. There was a lot more crazy talk of that caliber until he ask if our parents had any work for him. I told him I doubt it and that my parents were in Utah anyway. He said that wouldn't be any problem he could hitchhike there. His little catch phrase that he used about every sentence was "Word up." He was an interesting guy. We finally went our separate ways.

Later that night we talked to our district leader and told him all about Brian. About a week later our district leader called us and asked "Guess who we ran into?" I guessed "Brian!". They had indeed run into Brian 50 or so miles away from the town we were in. They told us he was pretty nutty for them too. We all got a kick out of our adventures with Brian.

Tracting: My First Door

So as a missionary you go tracting a lot. Tracting was not fun for me, but it does spawn a lot of fun stories (for those unfamiliar with the term that's where you go door to door to see if anyone is interested in talking to you). My first door that my companion told me was mine (meaning I got to do the talking) was pretty memorable. We knocked on the door and an older guy opens the door and while looking at what looked like the floor or our feet just said "Yeah?". I start into our intro explaining who we were and part way through he looks up and gets a look of crazed terror on his face. As loud as he could he screamed "GET OUT!" and slammed the door so hard the windows on the front of his house rattled. It was pretty amazing. You could hear and see them physically move with the force this guy put into getting that door closed as quickly as possible.

A month or two later we were walking by and the same guy was on his front porch reading the paper. My companion asked rather loudly "Isn't that they guy that slammed the door in your face?". I said "Yeah...he's gonna hear you." to which my companion said "Well let him hear. He deserves it.". The guy never looked up or acted like he heard anything so I can only assume he didn't overhear that.

Overview of Fifth Area: Lebanon

My fifth and final area was Lebanon. I know how it's spelled but if you pronounce it like it's spelled you will be mocked. It is pronounced Leb-e-nen. I was here for 4 1/2 months (February 2007 - June 2007). We covered two wards here. The Pioneer ward which was in town, and the Snow Peak ward which was in the outer reaches of the area. We shared a car in this area; a 2006 Toyota Corolla we called Roxy. Our apartment had a wicked speed bump going into the lot. You had to be careful if you were sitting in the back seat. We played a little game at times where if you were in the back seat and you weren't paying attention the driver would go over the bump slowly with the front two wheels and then mash on it and slam the back wheels over the bump as quickly as possible. If you were in the back and not paying attention there was a 99% chance your head would slam into the roof and you'd deal with a headache and possibly a bump if it was solid enough (I never said it was a good game). If you knew what was going on you'd be smart and duck. The weeks we didn't have the car we'd work mostly in town. The weeks we had the car we'd plan on things in the ward out in the boonies.

This is the area I was introduced to Racquetball. I've never been much of a sports fan, but for some reason I find this game fun. We spent a lot of P-days playing Racquetball. I took a couple of classes in college after I got home. I think I've improved quite a bit since then.

My last transfer out I was made District Leader. I still can't figure out why I was made a DL right before I was going to go home. Maybe it gave me something else to focus on. I did have a little fun with it though. My last district meeting I made sure we sang "Ye Elder of Israel" purely for the joy of singing "Oh Lebanon, Oh Lebanon I bid thee farewell. I'm going to the mountains of Ephraim to dwell!" (of course I changed a few words to suit my needs) Since Ephraim was where I was going to college, I made sure to rub it in just a bit.

This is the only area I had more than two different companions. I had three, they were rotated every transfer. The first one was my "step son". I follow up trained him. He drove me crazy. The other two I got along with. This was the first area I was in where the zone had more than one district. It was also the first area I was in that actually rained a bit. It was west of the mountain range and I was there before summer officially hit so I did get to see a little bit of the rain that makes everything so green around there.

This area had a particularly steep road. It was several miles long and had the better part of around a 20% grade in places. I was determined to ride my bike down that sucker at least once. I did with my last companion and achieved a speed usually reserved for cars. My speedometer read pretty close to 65 at one point. 65 in a car and 65 on a bike are two completely separate things. You can wiggle the steering wheel on a car at 65 and not worry much about it. If you wiggle your handlebars on a bike at that speed you'll probably be eating rocks. One of the elders in our district did the same thing at about 35 on a dirt road and he had to go to the hospital and get staples in his head and a sling for his arm. He was wearing his helmet but the clip broke the first time he biffed it and and the helmet flew off. The rest was pretty painful.

I don't have many pictures from this area. I had a digital camera that I had been sending the memory cards home when they got full and my dad pulled everything off and would send them back. For the last six months of my mission I didn't send them home because I figured that I would just unload them when I got home. I pulled everything off when I got home and then forgot to back them up and formatted my computer. About 30 seconds into the process I remembered that I had just lost 6 months worth of pictures. What little I have are from a CD that one of my investigators burned for me that had stuff from my companion, and some video I had from my video camera. Lesson learned.

Overview of Fourth Area: Klamath Falls

For my fourth area I was shipped back to Klamath Falls and I was there for another 6 months (August 2006 - February 2007), which means I spent 10 1/2 months of my mission in Klamath Falls. This go around I was in the 3rd ward. It was the first area I was in that we didn't have a car so I put a good many miles on my bike here (as well as my shoes).

This side of Klamath didn't have as many hills as the other turf I was familiar with. It was pretty flat and our boarders extended to the outer reaches of the boonies of the east side of Klamath. I didn't have the lake (or the midgees that I'll mention in a forthcoming story). I did get the opportunity to check up on the first person that I taught and saw baptized though so that was cool, and I got to catch up with a few friends from the old stomping grounds as well as create new ones in the 3rd ward.

This was the first area that I was a "Dad". I helped train a new missionary who is known as your "Son". Rather than trainer and trainee that just worked out better I guess. My son wound up being my most favorite companion ever. We got along really well and enjoyed the work that we were involved in. We had some investigators that we grew really attached to. Things went really well with them until everything just fell apart. It's still a mystery what happened to them. There is a street not too far from where I live that has a name that is very close to one of their names and every time I see it it makes me wonder what happened. It's crazy to think that their little girl would be 10 now. She was only a few months when we first found them.

This area is where I had probably one of the worst days I've ever had on record. I'll go into the details on that in a later story. I've heard that we are given trials because Heavenly Father trusts us with them. There are days I wish he wouldn't trust me so dang much. I know I mentioned my little ER trip in the last overview. It's comparable to that little trip, but without the ER trip. It does end on with a rather amusing/scary fellow we ran into as the sun was going down that day.

Our apartment was probably one of the bigger apartments in the mission. We had some awesome green flowery couches that clashed wonderfully with the lovely pink shag carpet. We had a private little courtyard for a back yard. We even had a garage to stash our bikes in.

The missionaries in the area I was first in had moved out of the house because it had a mouse problem (apparently things got worse after I left the first time). My MTC companion ended up being there at one point and he mentioned they had caught somewhere in the neighborhood of 70+ rodents.

I went through a pile of bike tubes in this area. There was just something nasty that kept blowing holes in my tubes. I tried some solid "tires" that go where the tube goes underneath the tread. They were way to loose so I took them back. I wound up finding this plastic lining that you put between the tread and the tube. I haven't had a flat since. Well worth the investment. I even had to replace the tread too because I was starting to go bald and because I was thinking maybe something was in the tread itself that was blowing holes in my tubes. By the time I got home I had 1459 miles (give or take a few) on my bike. The beast still sits at my home today. I love that bike.

Overview of Third Area: Sutherlin

Sutherlin was a little over an hour south of Eugene. It was the smallest town I served in. We were the only Elders in Sutherlin and our area was huge. We covered Umpqua, Elkton, Yoncalla, as well as other places that were so small they may or may not have had a name. I have a picture of the Elkton town mall. It was abandoned and looked like a glorified rusted out trailer home. Umpqua consisted of some houses that were miles apart and a Post Office/Bar/Gas Station. I only went out there once on a ridiculously hot day (115 degrees and muggy) so we could use the AC in the car (we weren't allowed AC in the apartment). I believe it only got down to a cool 98 degrees in the apartment that night. I have never known such misery since that day and count my blessings that I haven't had to. This ungodly heat only lasted a week and the residents say it was way out of the ordinary. My district included the Zone Leaders and another set of elders in Roseburg and a set in Myrtle Creek. This particular zone only had one district in it so we affectionately referred to it as the diszone. I think the only place I served that had more than one district in the zone was my last area (you'll hear about that one later).

We had another Chevy Malibu in this area. This one was a 2005. We named it Cabillo (pronounced cah-by-oh). We got that name from a cheesy film the church put out called "The Trophy Case". It's the name of the horse in the film. I don't know if that's the way it's spelled or not but that's the way I imagined it to be spelled. I was in this area for 4 1/2 months (April 2006 - August 2006). I had my first companion for one transfer and my second companion for two. They white washed the area with sisters after us (white washing means they pulled both missionaries out and put in two new ones). Our apartment was owned by the High Priests Group Leader. I'm sure he cut the church a deal. He had the two apartments above his garage in the backyard. We were in one and the neighbors were in the other.

This is the area in which I was introduced to allergies. I had never had an allergic reaction to anything in my life. Never a stuffed nose nor an itchy eye until this summer in Sutherlin. I wrote home telling my mom about my eyes itching like mad and my nose flowing like there was no tomorrow. I remember sitting on a less active family's front porch talking to them when I sneezed and blow snot all over in my hands. I left my hands where they were on my face and asked for a tissue. They brought me a teeny tiny tissue. I figured that wouldn't do it and asked for a paper towel. It's amazing the amount of snot the human face can hold. Three paper towels later I was finally presentable, but still sniffling like there was another gallon hidden in my face somewhere even after that blowout. I'm sure my parents had a good laugh over that one. My mom told me it sounded like allergies. I remember thinking allergies? I don't have those! I located some antihistamines and it at least stopped the insane snot flow I had. Ever since then every Spring and every Fall I usually suffer with the dreaded allergies. I've lucked out this spring so far. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. Maybe I was healed in my sleep or the salt bath on the cruise I just went on cured me. I'll hope either way.

The same Summer I was also introduced to Poison Oak unbeknownst to me. I just knew I was developing these weird itchy bumps on my ankles that eventually started to ooze. Not knowing what the deal was I figured it was some rash and in my mind hydrogen peroxide would make it go away. I poured the stuff on my ankles and would watch it fizz a bit. After that didn't seem to do much I tried rubbing alcohol. My how the fires from the ninth level of Hell burned with rubbing alcohol! I took that as a sign it was working. This continued for about a week and a half to two weeks. In the mean time I got some cool bumps on my hands and fingers that hurt. My ankles oozed nasty stuff so bad that I started duct taping paper towels around my ankles so I didn't get any nasty stuff on my pants. At long last I finally decided I'd had enough and that this fun stuff wasn't going to go away. My ankles had swollen and were bright red and almost purple in places. My skin was peeling and my hands hurt so much writing was obnoxious. I talked to the Zone Leaders and after waiting for them to talk to the Assistants to the President they concurred that the ER would be a good idea. I was driven to the ER in Roseburg.

Finally at almost 2AM I was released. I was put on antibiotics for the cellulitis I gave myself by dumping rubbing alcohol on my legs. They let me know it started as Poison Oak but the rubbing alcohol had made it worse. If cellulitis goes untreated that can turn into blood poisoning and that can be bad news. They also put me on some steroids to make the bumps go away on my hands. Several weeks later I finally was freed of that curse. I still have some discoloration on my legs from that fun time.

We occasionally saw wild turkeys hanging around on the edge of town. Blackberry bushes were here and there. It was the first area I was in that was on the west side of the mountain range so it was green.

I hit my year mark in Sutherlin so I burned a shirt. We had some quirky little traditions. When you were out three months you burned a sock, six months was a tie, a year was a shirt, 18 months was suit pants, and two years was an entire suit. I strictly adhered to these foolish traditions on the exact days of my anniversary. The sock and tie I burned were mine but the rest of them were old ones I had discovered left behind in apartment closets. Long live the foolish traditions of our fathers.

Overview of Second Area: Prineville

My second area was Prineville. Home of Les Schwab. It was a smaller town (about 8,500) and our district was a little further spread out than in Klamath. There were only two sets of us in Prineville. The Spanish Elders were in Madras to the north and two in Redmond to the west.

We had a car that we shared with the other Elders in Prineville. We'd switch every other week. This car was also a Chevy Malibu and we named it Jasmine. I was here for six months (October 2005 - April 2006). I had two companions for three months a piece. The first was from Utah. I got along with him. The second was from California and holding the tradition of California companions I had a love/hate relationship with him. We covered the Prineville 1st ward. The boundaries stretched out to a place called Mitchell. We only went out there twice to see what there was to see. There was a gas station (that was for all intents and purposes closed) and a handful of houses. The first time we went we hadn't planned on it being so far and we were pretty much out of gas when we got there. The guy that ran the gas station was kind enough to allow us to fill the car up. He didn't take credit cards so he let us go with a promise that we'd be back to pay him. We went back a few weeks later with some cash to pay him for the gas. They did have Henry the bear in a little fenced in area. I found a hole in the fence and stuck my camera in to take a picture or two. Henry licked my camera lens! I have a blurred picture of his pink tongue to prove it. The gas station had a picture of a card that had a road sign on it that showed the end of the world being four miles and Mitchell Oregon being five.

There was a place called the painted hills out that way so we visited it on one of the trips to Mitchell. The town had a western feel to it. Most the residents were cowboys and whatnot. We lived in an apartment off of a garage behind a members house. Being there for the winter it got chilly and snowed. The members in the house in front of us had three little boys. They were 5, 8, and 11 at the time. It's hard to think they will be 15, 18, and 21 now.

I struggled for a bit in Prineville. While I was here my mission president had to go home for a transfer for surgery. He was diagnosed with Cancer, but the surgery was successful and he was able to return after that transfer. In the mean time the mission president that I had for a week came back to hold down the fort in the mission office.

We got to party with the members for Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. About the time the frost was thawing and it was warming up for spring I was transferred to my next area.

Overview of First Area: Klamath Falls

My first area was Klamath Falls. We covered the 1st ward in Klamath and then 2 branches out in the boonies. The Chiloquin branch is a little ways north of Klamath. The Keno branch was a bit south and west. The branch went into California so I got to go to the boarder a time or two. The furthest south I ever went was to a little place called Tennant California. It was a dirt road with a row of houses. I think it was on the outskirts of the world. We could see Mt. Shasta from there. It looked bigger than it did in Klamath being several miles closer.

While in Klamath I had heard a few nicknames for the place. Klamtucky, Klamabama, Cracka Falls. The most of the area for the 1st ward was pretty ghetto looking. There was a section of town that had bigger houses called Nob Hill. We called it Snob Hill.

We had a 2003 Chevy Malibu to beat around. We called it Mally. I named all the cars that I had in the mission. I was here for 3 transfers (4 1/2 months June - October 2005) and had two companions here. My first companion was from Missouri and I was with him for 2 transfers (3 months) and the second was from California.

I got to go visit a military airfield called Kingsley Field and see the facility and jets that were around. I got to go to the lava beds in Tulelake California and explore the caves around there. I also got to go to Crater Lake a couple of times. It was actually in our area so we went once with some members on a P-day and once with our district. Each transfer we got to pick a fun activity to do and a spiritual activity. There was a temple in Medford so I think it was once a transfer we got to go to the temple. It was about 3 or 4 hours away.

Klamath has the most beautiful sunsets I have ever seen. Klamath Lake is right on the boarder of the city so I took a lot of sunset pictures on the lake as well as on top of the little hill that was in the middle of our area.

The church building in Klamath is one of two in the world that has the Articles of Faith on the side of the building.

Klamath was my first taste of life outside the Utah bubble. The streets make no sense. City blocks were almost unheard of and when there was blocks they were all confusing one way streets. The rest of the streets seemed to be broken up into different sections in different parts of town. So when someone lived on Washington street you had to figure out which section of the street you were actually looking for. Occasionally there was a portion of the street that was still named the same thing even though it was in a completely different part of town. The city planner must have been on something when they started putting things together.

The other thing I noticed was that there were churches everywhere. A lot like Utah except instead of an LDS church every block or so it was pretty much the opposite. I think there was 3 LDS chapels in the entire city of Klamath. There were hundreds of other churches every other block or so. Some very interesting to behold to put it mildly.

I loved Klamath Falls. I loved the people there. There were a few wacko's and some that were pretty mean (as you'll probably see in forthcoming stories), but all in all I loved being there. The members were awesome and helped us out where they could. I think Klamath Falls was probably my favorite place to serve. I later got to go back and serve in a different ward, but that will be for a different day.

Voluntary Deafness

So I had to deal with a person at work that was so infuriating that they have won a spot on my blog. It started with one ticket saying their computer was slow. Looking at the hardware I agreed and let the user know that the machine was scheduled to be replaced in June and that if they wanted it replaced sooner than that to have their supervisor order the machine and I could get it set up for them.

I don't hear anything until the next day when another ticket is put in asking for some software to be installed on the same computer, but that it was going to be replaced soon and that it would probably be best if the software was installed on the new machine. I again emailed him telling him that if by "soon" he meant June then yes it would be "soon" but if he needed the software sooner than next year sometime to get his supervisor to purchase a computer and I'd be happy to set it up. The software he was requesting would not run on the OS he was currently running and he would need to upgrade in order for the software to be installed. He replied saying he would talk to his supervisor and not thirty seconds later had submitted ANOTHER ticket saying he wanted his computer replaced. I asked him why he had submitted another ticket for the exact same thing that I had just talked to him about. He said he read the email wrong and that he would talk to his supervisor.

A few minutes later the person calls me wanting to "discuss their computer situation". I again had to tell them twice over the phone that if they didn't want to wait until June that they would need to have their supervisor order him a computer. After sounding disappointed and hanging up I couldn't believe that I had to tell someone five times over emails and over the phone that they had to buy a computer. How hard is it to understand "Buy a computer"? I don't know how much simpler I could put it.

Not ten minutes later his supervisor is calling the helpdesk asking how to order a computer and the helpdesk is asking me how to order a computer. I told them what little I knew and that if they don't know how to order something they A) either don't have the rights too or B) need to be taught in the ways of being a supervisor (or both). Turns out A was the correct answer.

Luckily for me both goobers happen to have their own IT Analyst that was willing to deal with Tweedledee and Tweedledum and get them figured out. So I was able to close the load of tickets that had been opened up on the exact same issue because they weren't willing to read all the way through my emails and attempt to understand what was going on. I didn't have anything technical in them. If they can't understand "Buy a computer" then I don't have any hope for them. I think it got to a point where the helpdesk has pretty much refused to deal with them and they are to be referred to their IT Analyst for anything they need. All this for a user that will only be here for six months anyway.

Mission Stories: MTC

The MTC was not my favorite place to be. I'd gladly have stayed another transfer with my hardest companion then go through that misery again. I was there for 3 weeks. I believe it is less time now. Preach My Gospel had just come out and I think we were one of the first few rounds of missionaries to start using it. I never used the lessons from "The Purple Dragon" as the last missionary manual was known as.

The first day you are there you get your things and get your "dork dot" (the sticker on your tag that meant you are new). You meet the other noobs and get your rooms and whatnot. I had a cousin that was there the same time as I was. He was going to Mexico so he was there for 6 weeks and his last two weeks overlapped my first two. I got to see him a couple of times at meals.

At that time the old "Tree of Life" was the shower. It was just a big room that had big posts in the room with several shower heads running around the post. When my friend went through a month later they had been done away with and replaced with individual shower stalls.

I loathed being in the call center. Phones are not my favorite thing in the world. I don't care to call and talk to people that I know let alone some weirdo on the other end that's more than likely not interested in what's going on. I couldn't decide if I liked the inbound calls or the outbound calls better. Inbound the phone would ring and you had to answer it. It was slightly easier because at least they were calling you. No thanks. Outbound you sat on the line and after a beep you heard the other person answer and away you go. Also no thanks. There were two calls in particular that I remember fairly well.

Call 1: This call was an outbound call. I heard the beep and an older guy was on the line. He was a pretty good story teller and was interesting to listen too. Any time I was on the phone was less time I had anxiety hoping I wouldn't hear the beep and have to say something. I had opened with the script on the screen and this guy was friendly enough to just go from there and roll into story after story. He told me all about how he thought the moon landing was a hoax, and how he had just gotten his lungs cleaned out. He was a smoker and had to go have all the junk sucked out of his lungs from years of smoking. He asked me "Have you ever thrown up so hard you though you might see your toes come out your mouth? That's what it feels like." It sounded like he was going to work his way into another story when his doorbell rang and his dogs started barking. He then asked if I could call back later. I said sure and marked him as a call back later. He was a friendly guy.

Call 2: This was also an outbound call. After the beep I hear a mumbled "Hey". I read the prompt in front of me and sat there listening. The guy is talking to someone else and clearly not paying any attention to me. I asked if Johnny was there. More mumbling and muffled speech. I asked again and again go no reply. I asked one more time just for the sake of saying I tried and suddenly the dude must have heard something because he screamed "WHO THE *&%#! IS JOHNNY!?". I apologized and told him I must have had a wrong number. I marked as a do not call back.

I did like listening to the stories from my teachers. They were a welcome break to the endless grind of learning the lessons and preparing for the upcoming abuse I was mentally trying to prepare myself for. My companion was from California (I had a hard time getting along with my companions from California) and the district leader of our group in the MTC. This was a pattern that I would get to follow most of my mission. A lot of my companions were district leaders (or shortly after me became a district leader). This one was probably the easiest Californian companion that I had, but I still didn't like how pushy he was with me. The perks of being the companion to the district leader is they go to meetings you aren't invited to so you get some extra time to study or goof around or whatever, as long as you are in a close proximity of course.

While I was in the MTC we got to meet our Mission President. He and his wife were also in training and would be my mission president my whole mission (with the exception of the first week in Oregon and one transfer where He had to go home for surgery). I liked having that connection with my mission president. We went out the same time but because mission presidents serve three years they had another year after I went home.

I did connect with a couple of the other Elders. What sucked was half of us were going to Oregon and half of us were going to Arizona. Of course the Elders I made friends with the best were the ones going to Arizona.

We did have our moments to goof around though. There was about an hour or two before bedtime that we had to get ready and wind down a bit. Being a bunch of 19 year olds of course we found some wild things to do. We got some pictures of ourselves looking like we were in The Matrix (with some help from an ironing board a chair and a doorknob) and of course when they tell you not to hit each other with your workout elastic bands that's the first thing that happens. One of the Elders going to Arizona was 26 and from Australia. We all worshiped his accent and made a few videos of him stroking the Book of Mormon saying "Crikey! It's the Word of God! Isn't she a bute!"

The day that we left for Oregon was the day that G. B. Hizzy himself spoke at the MTC. I was a little bummed out that I missed out on that but, I was glad that I was on my way out and on to a new adventure.

Mission Stories

So in light of current events I thought it might be fun to start putting down some stories from my mission. My brother just got his mission call to Bakersfield California and it's made me think back on some of the experiences I had as a missionary. I will miss my brother for the next two years, but I'm excited for him to have some of his own wild stories and experiences of his own. I don't recall hearing very many of my dad's missions stories (he went to Spain). The only one I'm really aware of is that when people wanted to know his name they couldn't really deal with his last name very well or his first name, but they knew what Scotch was and so that is when my dad started going by his middle name of Scott. My dad has a pile of journals so he may have some stories in there I've yet to discover. I haven't read any of them yet. I did fairly well writing in my journal on my mission, but I also had a white board in most of my apartments so I tried to draw out some of the more interesting and funny things I ran into so I could remember them. I'm not a great artist by any means, but it gets the point across. I went to Eugene Oregon. I never really was in Eugene itself, but I liked the cities I had the opportunity to serve in.

Chicken In The Mist

This morning my wife and I got up to go to the gym. We got ready and as we were backing out of the driveway I looked to check for any cars coming and I noticed a chicken standing in our yard. I thought it was kind of funny. I'm assuming it was looking for the worm that the early bird usually gets. I backed out of the driveway and as we drive by my wife noticed a box for chicken wings lying to the side of the road not 5 feet away from the chicken. Those wings must have been under-cooked as they seemed to be still attached to the chicken!

We went to the gym and when we came back the chicken was still standing there. We parked the car and went to investigate. The chicken didn't like us getting too close and after feeling it was surrounded decided it should go check out our neighbors yard. By the time we got inside and had access to a camera the chicken was long gone.