Food For Never

It looks like once again it's time for a little story. Last year my wife was laid off from working at Purse-onality in Gardner Village. It slows down around there after Halloween. My wife happened into a job in a round about way. To shorten the story as much as I can I'll just say she found a job. It is a company called Food Forever. They sold food storage and were just starting up. They hired Natalie on the spot and had her work a few hours after her interview. At first things seemed dandy. She was working nights, but we could handle that. Natalie helped around the store and after a week the owner came to her and told her that he wanted her to put together a seminar in St. George for that weekend and that he was making her over the St. George area. Needless to say my stressed out wife slapped together a seminar in less than twenty four hours and with help from friends and family in St. George we were able to round up around 25 or so people to be there. Not bad for having almost no notice. The owner paid for our gas to get there (but that was it). We stayed with my wife's family (keep this in mind for later). Everything went surprisingly well for something slapped together with almost no warning. The owner was rather pleased and had no trouble enlisting me as some free labor. I went initially to support my wife and I was enlisted in hauling a lot of things in and out of the building where we had this little seminar. I wouldn't normally have a problem with this other than I felt like I was the slave he could crack a whip on. My wife brought in over 3 g's of sales to the store from that seminar (that's over $3,000). In the seminar the owner promised my wife in front of everyone there that she was going to get commission off of anything that was sold. He also said any orders would go through her and that she was over southern Utah. (Wait a minute he just told us St. George!)

So after all this we went on our marry way. After all was said and done the owner was pleased with my wife's efforts in St. George and told her to put together something in Cedar City. This is where I stomped my foot and decided this was all a load of crap. Problem number one that I had was that my wife was told that she was doing all of this. She was never asked anything it was just a command not a request. Second problem was she was getting paid nine bucks an hour only when she was in the store. This accounts for nothing done outside the store (Putting together seminars, calling people, etc.). Problem three she was treated more like a slave than an employee. The owner told her what he wanted and it was never questioned by anyone. This goes for anyone that worked there. There is a lady there that works around 80 hours a week and gets a flat nine bucks an hour. No benefits, no paid holidays, just screwed over and over and over again because that's how desperate she is. So desperate in fact that she takes the owners side no matter what the cost. Fourth problem I have is that the owner knows how to play people. When my wife went to quit the first time he knew how to work her. He promised her he'd work with her and pay her for going to St. George and that they'd work out a commission system. Two weeks later when nothing had happened (and after a few other things went on that further pissed me off) I went in from work to talk to the scum myself. The weasel never showed up. So I went back to work and told my wife that she was done there.

So on December sixth she called and told them she was done. The owner was (supposedly) bummed out (because he knew he lost a very cheap slave). My wife was told she would get her last paycheck on payday. They got her a check alright but it never cashed. We tried over and over and finally went into Food for Never and complained. The excuse was it was the banks fault (LAME). They said they were in the process of changing banks and that they would get her a check, oh and by the way can we have the list of people in St. George? I had my wife use it as leverage. She told them they could have the list if they gave her what they promised: The hours she worked + the ten hours promised going to St. George + the commission. The owner trying to work his magic again played the guilt card saying he couldn't believe my wife would push for legal matters and that they didn't have commission in place yet and they paid for all expenses to St. George (which if you remember from above was gas only) and (insert all sorts of excuses here), but the thing that rips my shorts the most was he said "And we still paid you when your husband was in the store and made you unproductive but we didn't say anything about that". Oh really? Last I knew anytime I was in the store I was helping her close.

Well guess what? Today is exactly two months since my wife quit. They promised her (again for about the tenth time) that they would get her check to her today. If it doesn't happen today we'll figure out who needs to get involved so that she is finally paid (Labor Commission). All we asked for is the bare minimum, we aren't even asking for the commission. How ridiculous is that? How are they paying current employees if they can't pay one that hasn't worked there for two months?

In conclusion I will say I shaved quite a bit out of this story so it doesn't end up as a novel. When my wife first started working there I believed heavily in the store and their product. I still believe that they have some good things to sell and some good ideas but I cannot support someone that sucks this bad. If they can't scrounge up a lousy $300 to pay an employee that hasn't worked for them for two months I don't think that they deserve to be in business. Come to think of it I never do remember seeing a business license anywhere...

Blunders at work

So I've decided that I'm going to post a few of the biggest "Are you kidding me?" type things I've done at work. I'll update from time to time as it's inevitable that there will always be more to come.


I had one request to come look at one of the phones. They had replaced the headset because it was sounding fuzzy and now that they had replaced it weren't getting any sound at all. I tested the speaker and got a dial tone on both lines with no problem. With a brand new headset it had to be the connection. On the back of the phone there are two plugs with pictures by them. One with a handset and one with a headset. They were plugged into one labeled AUX on the other side of the phone.


We had gotten a request saying that someones laptop wasn't turning on. They brought it in and sure enough nothing would turn on. On pulling out the battery I discovered water and lots of it. Upon asking if it had gotten wet the reply came: "Does that look like the problem?"


I had gotten a request for one of the lovely cubes saying that it wasn't working. I tend to put off requests for these, and after putting it off as long as possible I headed down to see what the issue could be this time. Upon looking at the thing I discovered EVERYTHING had been unplugged (Power, monitors, everything. Genius Point!). I plugged everything back in turned it on and advised that they leave things plugged in.


There was an issue with one of the printers not wanting to change printing trays. After looking around we found that it only occurred in Microsoft Word. After looking around some more we confirmed that it was a Word issue and that Microsoft had officially claimed it as well. I had told the person that had asked us to look into it that it was a Word issue. One of my coworkers had told him the same thing. The person called the printer service company and had them send a tech guy out to look at it. After all this I get an email back stating: "I spoke with [tech guy], a senior tech from [printer place] and he confirmed that the weirdness going on is a Word issue, not a printer or driver issue." Does it really take three (or four if you count an official statement from Microsoft) opinions to convince you that we already told you that?

Natalie VS Cutco

Our little story begins while I was at work. I was helping drag a load of drinks up the stairs at work and as I'm carrying 30 pounds of soda up the stairs my phone starts ringing. Judging by the ringtone I knew it was Natalie (Hi sweetie, I love you, can you please pick up the phone?). I make it to where I'm lugging the drinks and throw them on the table. Of course by then I miss the call by mere seconds. So I call her back and it goes straight to voice mail. At this point I'm assuming because I'm trying to call her and she is trying to call me we are really working the system and neither phone is ringing. Finally I get something on the phone but I can't understand anything. At first I thought she was talking to someone else in the background because it sounds kinda muffled and I can't understand anything. Being outside in the wind didn't help any either (I had walked back outside by this time). Finally I gathered that something was wrong because I couldn't understand a whole lot of what Natalie was trying to say. I got cut......bleeding.....won't stop. So like any sensible person would do I walked into my office announced that I would be back after saving my wife from bleeding to death and drove like a bat out of hell.

I get to our apartment and run inside. As I walk in Natalie is on the phone and sounds calm. She gets off the phone and walks me through what happened. She was trying to cut a roll for my lunch that she was going to bring to me. She ended up cutting the tip of her finger and well you can see from the picture the results of said cut. I told her that the good news was that she was going to live. I didn't think it was to terrible (aside from the blood all over the sink and the cool new red polka dots on parts of the carpet), but decided it'd still be a good idea to head to instacare (go go gadget insurance!). We pile into the car and away we go. I promise I never got above 80 but I felt pretty freakin' cool flying around a 30 MPH curve at 65-70ish (Natalie was trying not to toss her cookies). After cutting off and unsuspecting soul in a Toyota Camry we eventually made it to instacare. The picture above was taken there. They got her situated and after evaluating the situation decided they would go ahead and give her a tetanus shot and a couple stitches. So with a stab in the hand to numb it and a stab in the arm for the tetanus they sewed her up and away we went. We went and got lunch at crown burger after such a hair raising experience, and I brought her to work with me the rest of the day. She drew this on my whiteboard at work:

Morale of the story: If you have Cutco knives keep your fingers out of the line of the blade.

Cube Wars

This little unit is what we affectionately call a cube. It is a poor excuse of a computer that they use in one of the labs at work. I admit the idea of the silly things is kinda cool. It's small. It only takes up a few inches of space on a desk. The rats nest of cables that seem to be growing out of these things is terrible but other than that the idea in and of itself is kinda cool. On the flip side something that doesn't work isn't worth having. These little buggers are a pain in my butt. Last month I worked on these good for nothing suckers almost everyday. One day I was considering whether a hacksaw, sledgehammer, or death by fire would be appropriate for one of these miserable contraptions when I had an apostrophe (epiphany). Lightning struck my brain (and it didn't hurt). I got to looking at the thing and realized: How much power is this thing getting? It's using the equivalent of a laptop power supply. I look at the power cable to find that it's getting 65 watts of power. Ok. I start doing the math of the many things plugged into it demanding power verses the power it is able to give. The answer was very much in the negative numbers.

So with a stroke of genius I was able to recommend getting some powered USB hubs for the 5,000 watts of power needed (I'm obviously exaggerating but that's really not that far off as to what demands verses ability to provide was). They got the things I plugged them in and heard nothing more for about a month.

So yesterday I get an email wanting me to come look at the silly thing again because it's not working. I put it off a few hours just delaying the inevitable, but I eventually go and look at the thing. It doesn't work? That is an NSS (No $#!+ Sherlock!) statement! When I get there the monitor is unplugged, almost everything is unplugged, and the external hard drive (because the internal one wasn't big enough for windows) containing windows was unplugged. Gee I wonder why the worthless thing doesn't turn on?! I plug everything back in and away it went. Everything worked. These are scientists using the computer but I definitely wouldn't recommend they try and diagnose their own IT problems. Today I get to add MORE things to the silly cubes. (4 printers to be precise.) They do have the powered USB ports so it shouldn't be a problem anymore.

The Check's in the Mail.

So a few months ago when I was looking for a job I was sending my resume out like crazy to postings on KSL and a few other places. There was one posting that replied back asking for my name and address and they would send me what I needed to get started. I figured it wasn't my social security number so ok. I sent them my name and mailing address and the next thing they sent me was an attachment the I needed to sign as well as a sheet that had a VERY vague rundown of what I was supposed to do. The wheels start turning in my head as I begin to wonder: They don't seem to care where I am. They are supposedly based out of SLC and I'm 300 miles away. How am I supposed to work for them if I'm not even in the same valley? They mentioned benefits but never said what they were. I'm supposed to buy my own software to use? Who does that? These and a few more are rolling around in my head so I email back and tell them I want more info before I sign ANYTHING. He sends me a number that looks odd. I Google it and find it's a land line in Connecticut? Things aren't matching up. I email him back and ask if they are based out of Connecticut or what? The reply was that they are not. The number was to someone with "A wealth of information" who could assist me with my questions. Why would I call long distance for something that is supposed to be at least in the same state? I don't think so. So I asked my questions and got more vague answers. One thing they did answer clearly was that I would be paid by cashiers check. Who does that? There are plenty of scams with those no thank you. I couldn't quite figure out the angle they were working with but none the less I knew there had to be a crocodile lurking in the water somewhere and that's enough to make me look elsewhere. They asked if I wanted to proceed and I told them no.

Well we took off for the weekend and when we came back there was a package on our doorstep from New Jersey (see above). I look up the address on Google (Google and I are pretty tight by now) and it turns out to be a legit address and a legit business but I've never done anything to deserve anything from them. I open the package and out comes a cashier's check for $3,680.00.

Looking at the addresses on here the check is from a legit credit union with a legit address in Texas, but it's from someone in Arizona? I now have three different addresses with a handful of different names and nothing seems to be lining up right. The only thing I could figure this check came from was the bunch of hosers that offered me the "job". I may be crazy, but I'm no fool. There is no way I'm gonna cash this thing.

My Job

So I thought I'd just blabber for a little bit about my job. First thing I'd like to say is that I LOVE it. It's been quite a change to get paid to do something I enjoy for a change. Right now I'm still trying to figure out what's going on and exactly what it is I'm supposed to be doing sometimes but all in all it's been things I enjoy doing. Fixing computers and just different things here and there and maintaining things. It's the first job I've ever had that my opinion seems to be taken seriously much less actually followed sometimes. (Guess that degree is finally accounting for SOMETHING). I might even be creating the logo and website for the company. (The one that's there now is kinda sad to tell you the truth.) I'm no whiz at websites but I'm fairly confident that I could make something that at least looks decent(Stay tuned on that one.) I have my own desk. I've never had a work space before. I think it's cool anyway. I think I work with some of the coolest people ever. I actually feel appreciated and like I do something around the place that makes a difference. (Not that I wasn't at other jobs, but they were all the same daily grind and really easily replaced). I look forward to getting things figured out and helping out.

Background Music

So I've decided that life would be so much better if I had a symphony to follow me around in my life and play the appropriate music when it was called for. We've all watched a good movie or two and honestly it's the music that makes half the movie. When something is exciting you get some thunderous bass and a quick beat. When it's sad you get the sad slow music. I'd like to have the music and use it for guidance. If it sounded freaky I'd know NOT to go in that room. I don't need anything strangling me or eating my face. Life just seems so anticlimactic sometimes. You feel like you've done something good during the day but there is no music to let you know that. You go do something crazy there's no AC/DC following you around singing "Back in Black". Maybe when life flashes before our eyes that will be added. There has to be some editing somewhere. I've watched home movies before and they can only be so entertaining for so long. Think how much sappier things would be if you went on a date and there was a mini orchestra to back you up? Wouldn't that be epic? I wouldn't want anything following me around as I'm doing something stupid or wrong. I don't want Sir Robin's minstrels following me around, just once I think it'd be cool to have something come on cue.